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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My husband has taken me for a mug.

46 replies

eurovisionispants · 15/05/2011 01:41

Where to start. In highly abusive realtionship, I know it too. Just had my cataylist, ironically to ship out.

Husband works away a lot, courses, hotels, meals out. Just seen a message on his phone. They should go to x place more often as of the "birds" "fit ones".

I'm sat at home weeks on end without even a hello. This is how he is with his "friends" talking about other women.

I just went spare, he hit me, again, I'm done here. I'm leaving him. I just need some kind words to help me through the coming days, please.

OP posts:
Gooseberrybushes · 15/05/2011 01:43

I am so sorry. You must have been through hell. Are you feeling strong, as well as desperate and angry? Have you got plans? Any support? Agree you can't carry on like this.

Gooseberrybushes · 15/05/2011 01:44

Do you have to leave.. do you have children.. can you chuck him out? Call the police?

Gooseberrybushes · 15/05/2011 01:45

Can you call Women's Aid for the best advice? I would want such revenge in your situation so possibly not very level headed advice here. You must call women's aid or the police. What a filthy thug.

Original poster
eurovisionispants · 15/05/2011 01:54

I'm goint to call WA. I have money to get out next week, I also have the legal capacity to get him out of the house. Yes I have children.

He is a misogynist. He hurts me repeatedly, always so no one will know. He is always sorry. He will never do it again.

I think he hates women. I have said before, this isn't love, how can you do this. He works with people who think women are whores, read above text for mild example. He messes about with other women and treats me like dirt.

I'm going to go, I'll be skint for a while, but I despise him.

OP posts:
Gooseberrybushes · 15/05/2011 01:55

Am going to ask a lot of questions sorry. Why do you have to leave? Is there a reason you don't call the police? Wouldn't it be better for you and the children to stay in the house? Don't give any inkling of your plans but I'm guessing you know this.

Original poster
eurovisionispants · 15/05/2011 02:02

I can leave as I have money. He lives in his home city, I want to go back to mine.

The police have his previous on file, so I will be persuing it, once I'm packed and out, does that make sense?

I know should have dealt with him first time, I'm an idiot.

OP posts:
Gooseberrybushes · 15/05/2011 02:13

You aren't an idiot at all, who's going to think that? I don't think that. Don't let him make you think that, as well as everything else he's done. You know what he is. You know how low he is, and you can hold your head high.

Do you need to keep your plans quiet? I wish I had good advice about secreting money and seeing a solicitor but I don't. I think you should feel that in a year's time you are going to look back and think this is the best decision you ever made. Don't change your mind if he's all nicey to you before you leave. You sound really calm actually.

peasandlove · 15/05/2011 02:13

good on you for going, be strong x

DrMuffy · 15/05/2011 02:14

Sending you strength.

Original poster
eurovisionispants · 15/05/2011 02:21

Thanks all. I'm furious actually. But maintaining a clear head, as I know now what needs to be done.

I have made excuses before for him. Fact his, he hates women. He hates us. Being at home, we should put up and shut up, accept a hit every know and then, for a return of cash and crap sex.

He sees women as commodities, you can see that by the company he keeps. What is that saying about a man and the company he keeps.

Anyway it's just once to much for me, he will never change, I know that now, he and his "friends" have a far to inbuilt hatred of women.

He is a prick anyway he is never going to change, not working of people with the same type.

I'm going to try and get an emergency solicitor Monday x

OP posts:
Tortington · 15/05/2011 02:33

good luck.x

Sqee · 15/05/2011 02:58

Where is he now? are you safe?

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 15/05/2011 06:23

Sounds like you've made the right decision. Would suggest you keep posting as often as is helpful and possible. Not so many around when you posted late last night but plenty on here who have escaped like you are and who will have sound advice based upon a similar experience.

Stay strong, you' re on a journey to a better future.

mathanxiety · 15/05/2011 06:32

Are you going to be safe until monday?

cantfindamnnickname · 15/05/2011 06:54

Where do you live? Are you safe? Is he likely to return home at some point before Monday?

HAve you called the police and reported this latest incident.

Are you going to be entitiled to legal aid? You say you have money?

BelleDameSansMerci · 15/05/2011 07:16

Just want to say that I hope you and your children are ok. x

MintCakeMavis · 15/05/2011 07:27

Hi, just adding my thoughts and sending you all the strength you need.

glencoe · 15/05/2011 07:36

Thinking of you at this very difficult time.

Are you hoping to make arrangements for the children not to be in the house when you leave / tell him you are leaving so they don't have to witness it? Do you have a friend who can be with you to support you and prevent you being at risk of abuse when he finds out?

ShoutyHamster · 15/05/2011 09:28

Good luck. You're doing absolutely the right thing. Your children will thank you for it. x

ManicAnnie · 15/05/2011 09:30

It sounds like you have made a smart decision, OP.

Do you have a safe place to go?
Have you got access to joint bank accounts / money to see you through? Anyone to support you through this? It may be dangerous for you to be alone (without another adult around) when you break the news that you are going.

ManicAnnie · 15/05/2011 09:30

And have you thought about reporting him to the police for hitting you?

SimpleSingleDad · 15/05/2011 09:38

Consider an emergency injunction with power of arrest too, to keep him away from you.

The large turd in a human shape that considers you its property will not be happy when that commodity walks out on it - after all, none of the other household appliances would.

And, ditto to what everyone else says - you're doing this for everyone, especially DC's.

Gooseberrybushes · 15/05/2011 10:23

Just checking in to see how you are. Very glad so many others with support. Hope you are still feeling strong this morning.

Malificence · 15/05/2011 11:18

Good for you, get out and don't ever let this man near you or your children ever again, they don't need an animal like that in their lives.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 15/05/2011 11:21

Good on you. You will look back in a years time and wonder why you stayed so long. Your life is going to be so much better. Good luck :)