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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Who do you think is right. Me or m-i-l?

32 replies

4littlerugrats · 14/05/2011 17:20

Hi, my m-i-l is saying that since me and oh have married, she is now my legal mum, and my oh brothers are now legally my brothers, hence the words in law. To me my own mum is just that. And my mil is not now my legal mum! Does anyone know anything about this, that could set it straight? I am happy to be told i'm wrong if thats the case!

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 14/05/2011 17:21

WTF is a "legal mum"? She's nuts.

bigTillyMint · 14/05/2011 17:22

She's not your legal mum.

Why does she want to feel she is your legal mum?

BluddyMoFo · 14/05/2011 17:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

balloonballs · 14/05/2011 17:25

Oh dear God, is this real? Seriously?

Smum99 · 14/05/2011 17:26

What does she believe are her rights since she became an 'inlaw'? She had no legal rights but might believe she has 'moral' or 'family' rights.

Original poster
4littlerugrats · 14/05/2011 17:26

Old lady, totally agree with you there! And big tilly, i'm not too sure, she's a little overbearing!

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 14/05/2011 17:26

She is off her rocker!!! Tell her if that is the case, has your (real) mother now become her sons mother... Wink

She sounds barking!

Doha · 14/05/2011 17:27

Bollocks Smile

She is seriously deluded. I think she is just trying to get you to do what she wants.
Your mum is your legal mum, no one else

BluddyMoFo · 14/05/2011 17:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FakePlasticTrees · 14/05/2011 17:29

no, in-law means just that you are only related via your DH. You have no legal responsibily or rights over her, she has none the other way.

Original poster
4littlerugrats · 14/05/2011 17:31

Oh yes, its real alright! Lol. We have had this conversation for a while. I'm trying to tell her she's not my mum, just my m-i-l. She won't have it, and thinks we are legally related she is my mum, and i'm her daughter the in law bit means by law!

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 14/05/2011 17:31
Original poster
4littlerugrats · 14/05/2011 17:35

Lol @ bluddy mofo! Thankyou for clearing that up for me!

OP posts:
ShoutyHamster · 14/05/2011 17:58
Grin

She is nutso.

OP, you have a grade A birdbrain as a 'legal mum'

Sympathies Grin

Thomas1969 · 14/05/2011 19:03

I love this rort of question. Your birth mother is usually your legal mother, whether or not dad is partners with or has married. This is unless the step-mother has, what is called 'Parental Responsibility'
which is something a Court of law decides. Does that help? As to any issue to do with an estate at the time of your fathers death, it depends if he has made a Will. Apart from that she sounds... put it this way, just a little barmy.

Thomas1969 · 14/05/2011 19:28

Oh, and another thing. Parental Responsibility, I suppose you could argue, has to include, amongst other things, not behaving in a way that's detrimental to the health and happiness of the children involved. So behaving as she is I find it hard to believe a Judge would ever see her as a positive thing in your life. Courts must have a childs best interests at the heart of what they do. That's as basic as chips without the condiments.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 14/05/2011 19:33

I think you're on the wrong thread, Thomas1969.

hugglymugly · 14/05/2011 20:03

Weirdness abounds here. 4littlerugrats, either your MIL has overthought the concept of what "in-law" means, or someone has been winding her up, or it's a symptom of her being overbearing, or all three combined.

Perhaps you could ask her to explain to you her understanding of the concept of "next of kin". A quick google search throws up the definition used by the NHS for mental health purposes (where they do need to be precise about such things). There, the only non-blood relation is the husband or wife; thereafter the list only includes blood relations - mother in law is not on that list.

Thomas1969 · 14/05/2011 20:18

How do you mean oldladyknowsnothing? Have I made a fool of myself... again

BelleDameSansMerci · 14/05/2011 20:27

Copied from web but:

"These terms are usually written with a hyphen: mother-in-law and father-in-law. They mean the mother and father of your husband or wife. If your spouse has brothers and sisters, they are your brothers- and sisters-in-law. If you have children and they marry, you will have sons- or daughters-in-law. In theory you could use the term for any relationship - cousins, aunts etc - but in practice people mostly just use the terms above.

It just means that the person has a relationship with you, which is through law (marriage) instead of blood. Originally "in-law" was also applied to step-families - a mother-in-law might be a stepmother as well as a spouse's mother - but we no longer do this."

She's nuts...

ayeayecapn · 14/05/2011 20:31

Ask her if she minds that your mum is now her son's legal mother, not her. Do you think that would make her stop and think?

CoffeeIsMyFriend · 14/05/2011 20:32

haaaaaaaaaaaaaa Nutso indeedy!

bless you OP I dont mean to laugh, but cant help it.

I love my MIL dearly - she leaves me alone to parent/wifey as I see fit. I dont call her Mum, I have one of those god help me. I do realise that I am in the minority though.

Just smile and nod. She cant legally make you do anything, be safe in that knowledge.

MummyBerryJuice · 14/05/2011 20:38

Grin She is a loon. As a a person who has reached majority there isn't even a need for you to have a mum for legal reasons.

(Also, I am not aware of any laws that would prohibit you from marrying your BIL where your DH to pass away, whereas you would never be allowed to marry your own brother)

ledkr · 14/05/2011 20:40

Aggree with her and tell her to change her will,what does a legal mum do then?

YesWhat · 14/05/2011 20:40

Say "fantastic! So I'm in your will, then? What do I get?"