How do you tell him it's over?

[Liliesandveuve]

I don't love him anymore. I hate hearing his key in the lock. I find him boring, he has nothing to talk about except his job. He thinks the world revolves around him. His selfishness astounds me.
I hate having to do everything the way he wants it.
I hate his anger and stress and general pessimistic view.
I hate his political views, so extreme,
I hate that he doesn't get on with my wonderful family.
That he can't see that's how family life should be.
I hate whingeing on about this country and how bad it is. I hate him wasting his money cos he is so entitled.

He thinks he is so much better than everyone else
he is horrible
how could I have made such a mistake?
He won't accept that we can't fix our relationship.
I feel like the only way I can get through to him is by screaming all the above, but that's just so hurtful. He has no idea I feel this bad. He has no idea because he doesn't listen to me.

Has anyone had a pigheaded husband who won't accept that it's over?

Ya. Divorced him anyway. He doesn't have to agree.

I agree with Annie. He doesn't have to agree, you are allowed to make the decision all by yourself. You don't need his permission to end the relationship, his validation or his agreement. Go for it!

You have just described my H to a tee!!
Only now he's trying to make everything better, still not listening, and doing my head in. Too little too late.

thats also my p to a tee, i think there is a factory that churns them out. it can take ages to realise thats not how its meant to be. mine basically assumes that if he says he loves me that allows him to insult me however he likes. i thought it was, but its dawning on me xx go girl!!!!!

that's my X to a tee too! But he is now, hallelujah, thousands of miles away.

OK so I didn't kick him out, but I stopped fighting for him to stay.

FWIW, mine still thinks at some point we may share a roof.... he is sadly deluded!

Tell him straight. Tell him to go.

He tells me he loves me all the time, it's doing my head in. But nothing he does shows me he loves me.
I don't think he knows what it means.
I need to just tell him. I feel so bad being nasty.

Don't be nasty. Just be calm and firm.

And keep a loaded solicitor in your pocket.

You aren't being nasty. If you stay then you are sacrificing your own happiness in order not to spoil his, so as not to upset the apple cart. He won't like that you want to leave, he will probably be hurt and angry but in the long run he will be fine. Look at it this way, you are letting him go in order that he can find someone who loves everything about him.

I've been lurking on a few of your threads and from what I can tell you're never going to get this man to listen to you and understand your viewpoint. He's far too selfish.

He won't understand why you want to leave him. He will probably accuse you of being selfish, of putting your needs above the childrens, of being unstable, all sorts of hurtful and horrible things. No matter how you phrase it or try to explain you will probably be 'wrong' in his eyes.

You're not the nasty one, he is.

You only get one life!!

You don't like, love or respect him.

You're wasting not only your life, but his. You aren't being nasty or evil - you're accepting reality.

If he won't listen - and it sounds as if he doesn't do listening to you - then go and see CAB and a solicitor and start making positive moves towards sorting this out so both of you can move on into happier, better lives.

You must be married to my ex :)

I had all those feelings and more. I used to hate turning the corner to find that his car was in the drive, meaning he was home early. My stomach churned when he walked in the door.
I complained about him all the time to friends and family - but not to him.

That is when I realised I had to get out. In the end it was fairly easy, you will know when the time its right.
I got up one morning, and he was complaining, yet again, about something and nothing, and I just thought, I can't do this anymore. So I just told him to get out, I didn't want him there anymore.

He knew then, that was it, even though he still denied there was problem? And that was the end of our marriage.

I am not saying it was all easy, but it is the BEST thing I have ever done. He even told me a year down the line that he now realised it was the right thing to do. Yes, it took him that long to realise.

If your life is as bad as mine was with mine, get out and enjoy your own life, you will never look back :)