DH Slept with two girls

[Zenoka]

Been happily married for 10 years with 3 children. Have recently found out that DH (before we got together) was sleeping/cheating with two girls at the same time. He even slept with them both on the same day (not at the same time). I knew that he was a bit of a ladies man and had been around a lot, but what is troubling me is that if he cheated on those girls, how can I trust him?

This is really starting to trouble me and I now wonder if he ever cheated on me when we first got together. He worked abroad for a year and I didn't see him much during that time, only about once a month. I feel that the trust has gone never to return. If he is the sort of person that can do that, do I really want to stay with him? He never uses condoms so I also worry greatly about STDs.

I'm heartbroken to find out he isn't the trustworthy, decent sort of guy I always thought he was. People dont change do they?

I dont know what to do :(

"He will talk for hours with his friends but barely says a word to me. He never comes home and just 'chats' about his day or anything. No cuddles, kisses or affection. No apreciation of the hard work that do."

Hmmm - that would really piss me off too. Honestly, that would piss me off more than anything else (even more than finding out my partner had had a fling). I know that sounds a bit mad but if someone you are close to is not sharing things with you and developing intimacy on that level, then I am not sure there can really be intimacy on any other level. Also 'no affection' - that is crap.

tadpoles,my dh was getting bit like that recently,i just had a baby and on mat leave and i think he was taking me for granted,i played him at his own game,didnt make conversation or be affectionat and was a tag distant. He soon changed back to type.

I can appreciate how finding out things about DH that you didn't know before might unsettle you, and how it would warrant a conversation. But I think to take it to the lengths you are, and to worry the way you are, is daft.

People do change, it's a myth that they don't. If there are issues in your marriage that you feel need attention, give them attention, talk about them and deal with them. But don't base the changes on the past. If you're not happy in your relationship as it is, that's what you need to focus on, not a part of his life that you weren't even around for. Don't punish DH for something this silly, it will likely not end well.

I was no angel when I was that age. I took drugs (recreational, not hard habit), slept with unsuitable boys in unsuitable setups and was overall not the adult I am now. FWIW, DP knows all about it and loves me just the same, because he knows that is who I was, not who I am. Part of my past, not my present. I don't deserve or expect to be judged on what I did that long ago.

OP PLease don't fret about this - he was very young. I myself was wild in the extreme when I was young but have been entirely faithful to my DP since we got together 7 years ago. I once had two lovers in my house in different rooms staying over and had to juggle them. My DP laughs when I tell him such stories now and considers himself lucky that he was the one to "tame" me.

Your relationship sounds poor and you need to talk about it if you are to stay together. The diary is a red herring and irrelevent and I feel you are using it as an excuse to complain about your poor husband rahter than focus on the real issues. The fact that you don't seem to fancy each other or talk to each other now is an issue, not who he shagged before he met you.

Shouldn't be a "poor" before husband, left that in by mistake when I changed the wording. His behaviour now towards you is crap, but it sounds as though you haven't been challenging the lack of affection.

I think this diary has crystallised some fears you already had: his absences, lack of emotional openness, apparent disinterest in you. I do think you need to talk to him seriously and start dealing with these issues.

I wouldn't bring up the diary as a reason to discuss it 'though, you'll be too easy to shoot down.

People do change - I did. I have been totally faithful to my DP for the 7 years we've been together. Prior to that I had lots of flings/relationships which sometimes overlapped.
You can't judge him for something he did before he met you. Everyone has a past - some more colourful than others.

"He seems off sex lately which is very unlike him, my figure isn't exactly what it used to be. I often catch him oggling skinny girls so I'm sure he still has his desire."

After reading the other postings I wondered if it was me but ............... after reading what you have written yourself, it seems to me to be a lot of insecurity within yourself that needs addressing.

I'm not saying nothing is going on anywhere else but if you are not 100% good in your relationship with your H then that has to be addressed before you can move on.

Idon't actually think it is any of your business what he did before you met, unless he fathered children, contracted an infectious disease , or broken the law.

And you should NEVER read someone's diary

Why are you hurt? Is it because he did not tell you at the time and then denied it later?You think if he had loved you he would not have done it He has probably forgotten by now as these girls meant nothing to him Was he supposed to admit it all at the time in which case you might have dropped him? Think... I knew loads of people who sewed their wild oats at 20!!Lucky devil he got 3at once So long as you do not doubt him now that is the main thing

Good God DH was 45 when we got together and was at art school in the 70's then a hugely successful adman in the 80s..

I'm glad I wouldn't get stressed at hearing what he got up to then. I don't involve myself in matters that don't concern me.

You do realise partners had lives before they met you?