Keeping it in their pants!

[Thomas1969]

I was just listening to Woman's Hour (Radio 4). The discussion was about Super Injunctions. The male guest believed married men and the women they sleep with on-the-side are equally responsible for not 'cheating' on the married blokes partner. What do you think? It seems to me that the man has a clear responsibility to keep his willy to himself and control his own body whilst the person he chooses to sleep with really only has a responsibility to herself. If she can make a bit of money from selling her story, why not? Responses please.

depends how much self respect she has i guess

i wouldnt want someone elses fella knowing i'm nothing more than a bit on the side

It's not terribly honourable to sleep with a married msn, less so to sell the story, but the woman has no obligation to the man's wife. The risk is his.

Equally responsible, if you believe as I do that we all have a duty not to bring pain to a stranger and her family's door. I find the attitude that an OW/OM has no responsibility to another human being, selfish and repugnant. However, I do have a problem when the OW/OM is blamed more than the spouse.

I'm halfway between WWIFN and nobiggy on this one. Any person who knowingly sleeps with another person's spouse has some very dubious morals. However, quite a lot of married people who have affairs neglect to point out the fact that they have a spouse until the 'deed' has been done and everyone's in far too deep to take a morally objective viewpoint.

There are also those who claim to be terribly unhappy, and although 90% will be spinning a line, 10% will be telling the truth and it is not the OM/OW's job to decide whether that person should leave their spouse or not if the marriage is dead. The world's a complicated place with a million different types of marriage, and you can never know the full story.

Even for those who lie about an unhappy marriage ("we're only together for the sake of the DC and we'll divorce as soon as DC are old enough", etc), should we hold the OW/OM responsible for being naive and gullible if they believe it? Society is littered with people who've been hurt because they fell for this one, while often the married person having an affair gets off scot-free.

I can't help thinking that while it's definitely wrong to knowingly sleep with a married person, primary responsibility lies with the person who took the vows.

No, I don't think it's ever OK to knowingly do something which will cause pain and distress to another human being. sunshineandbooks; you do make a good point about the fact that some OM / OW don't know that the person they are involved with is married.

I need to be honest about the fact that my H did had an affair a few years ago; the OW not only knew me, but I regularly looked after her children for her because H had told me she was having a really hard time and needed some support (she was a single mum,money was tight, violent exP). Actually, whilst I think what she did was very wrong, i appreciate that she was in a very, very vulnerable state at the time of the A, and I think my H is more to blame; for cheating on me, and for using a vulnerable woman for, well, a bit on the side. He manipulated her, charmed her, flattered her, persistently chased her. She totally fell for him, thought he was going to leave me, and be with her. He had no intention of doing so.

snaildoodle that sounds hard on you . I think your understanding of the OW is very magnanimous and does you a great deal of credit, but I can imagine that it hurt like hell at the time and must have deeply wounded you. I'm not sure I could be that understanding if it was someone I knew and saw regularly. I hope things have improved for you.