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Relationships

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Original poster

Have you ever heard of an instance where the man wants kids but woman doesn't?

44 replies

Hammy02 · 13/05/2011 09:55

That's it really.

OP posts:

ZZZenAgain · 13/05/2011 09:56

well that was me really for most of my life

ZZZenAgain · 13/05/2011 09:56

I mean every man I ever got involved with wanted dc but I never did

beeny · 13/05/2011 09:57

yes me i have two cos he was keen

Original poster

Hammy02 · 13/05/2011 09:58

I was just asking as there are often threads where women want kids/more kids and their partner doesn't.

OP posts:

Narketta · 13/05/2011 10:00

My brother wanted children and his now ex girlfriend didn't but they have one DD.

And my cousin wanted children but his DW didn't want any but they now have 2 DD's.

MMQC · 13/05/2011 10:11

My brother wanted children, his wife didn't. She is now his ex-wife.

Carrotsandcelery · 13/05/2011 10:19

My BIL wants them but my SIL is a career girl. She is older than him so time is tight for them but has not run out by any means. He is offering to be the househusband, carer but there is no getting away from the fact that it is her body that has to carry them etc.

She is a fab auntie and adores her niece and nephew but is realistic and knows she doesn't want that commitment full time. She can also see that her dp is great with our dcs but does get fed up and want his peace too.

Not an easy situation either way round but when the man is asking the woman to go through pregnancy, labour etc it is a big ask.

halfcaff · 13/05/2011 10:24

Yes, I don't think it is all that unusual. Probably not talked about as much, as with many emotional issues involving men! An ex-colleague told me that was the reason for his marriage ending. he was a bit of a dick, so maybe she just didn't want them with him!
I have a friend who doesn't want any more dc (has 3 from 1st marriage) but her soon to be dh has changed in the time he has known her and got her dc from not wanting his own, to wanting one! They had to work through this crisis as it was a condition laid down by her from the start...

halfcaff · 13/05/2011 10:26

And I know a couple of people like Carrotsandcelery's example - higher-earning slightly older female who doesn't dismiss the idea but just isn't as keen as the man.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 13/05/2011 10:35

Yes. My H was broody for years, but even before the decision to try for children, I wasn't at all. We both knew that it would be my career affected most too, simply because of having to take a break to give birth. And at the time, most of our friends felt the same i.e. the men were keener to have children than the women. After having our first, we equally wanted a second fortunately - and by that time I had reached a position in my career where I could achieve a better work/life balance by setting up my business.

AMumInScotland · 13/05/2011 11:05

I had a colleague in a previous job who was going through IVF because her husband was desperate for them to try everything to have children, though she'd have just shrugged and not been that bothered when they didn't get pregnant without assistance. I'm not sure what happened in the end, as I moved jobs and lost touch, but I know it was putting quite a strain on their relationship at the time.

blackleopard · 13/05/2011 11:35

I'm in this situation. I'm 31 and have never felt broody, have seen my sisters bring up their children and I would struggle to accept the restrictions that family life places on travel, leisure time etc. I'm far from being a high-earning career woman, I just enjoy the time I spend with friends, having hobbies in the evening and having lie-ins.

DH is 32 and goes gooey-eyed when he visits my niece and nephew and he's always said that he always expected to get married and have children. My own life plan was to grow old as a spinster - wasn't looking for a relationship at all when I met DH!

We will probably compromise by having just the one child. I quite like the idea of being a SAHM as I've enjoyed a bit of a gap in employment and I like being at home, I couldn't really justify it without being a mum really.

It's definitely the sort of thing that's a relationship deal-breaker. I've known quite a few couples who have split up after they agreed not to have children in their 30s but when they reached the 40s, the man decided he couldn't accept never having children and left quickly for a younger, fertile woman. I'd hate to be left in that situation in a decade, so I'm quite pragmatic about having a child because I think the relationship would be more fragile otherwise.

CMOTdibbler · 13/05/2011 11:49

I have friends where he'd really like to have children, but she actively doesn't like children. But he loves her more than he wants kids, so thats that

zikes · 13/05/2011 11:55

I know someone who didn't want children but did have two because her husband wanted them. She doesn't regret it precisely and loves them, but she knows she would have lived quite happily without.

Othersideofthechannel · 13/05/2011 11:59

I know a couple who divorced because of this reason.

She was my babysitter [guilty emoticon]

TeeBee · 13/05/2011 13:05

I only wanted one and my DH nagged and nagged that he wanted a second. I relented. DS2 is the absolute light of my life. He is the most beautiful person I have ever met. He brings me soooo much happiness. DH was right...fuck it, hate it when that happens (not often!).

seeker · 13/05/2011 13:07

I know a couple like this very well indeed. They did a deal - she had the children he wanted (and, now she has them, she loves them and looks after them brilliantly,) in exchange for financial security. They are a very happy family.

Sarsaparilllla · 13/05/2011 13:10

Yes, my aunties first husband wanted children, she didn't, they eventually got divorced

They've both since happily remarried, she never has had kids, he has 2 (and his DD's middle name is after my aunty!)

TeeBee · 13/05/2011 13:10

I didn't do it for financial secruity - I did it for chocolate.

Allalone0 · 13/05/2011 13:14

My exh wanted a child when we first got married, but I didn't want to, not at that time anyway. I was 19 and he was 20, but he wanted a child so that it would be eaasier for him to get a visa to come to England.

fifi25 · 13/05/2011 13:15

My ex who i have not lived with for 3 years but am still friends with asked me. I have 3 dd's and i get the feeling he wants a ds. He says he doesnt want kids with anyone else as he has 4 half sisters between mam and dad. I can understand he wants another one but i dont and am quite happy with my 3 dd's.

Bonsoir · 13/05/2011 13:15

Yes, my DP's first wife didn't really want children - he pushed her into it. And then was disappointed by her lack of maternal feeling!

lucykate · 13/05/2011 13:16

yes. a friend was so sure she didn't want kids she asked to the sterilised (gp refused). her dh went along with it, but it was clear if the opportunity arose he would be happy to be a dad. they had a false alarm once and before they found out she actually wasn't, there were pram catalogues arriving through the door that her dh had sent for.

now they are doting parents to a dd. think she's really glad she wasn't sterilised.

snorkie · 13/05/2011 13:23

Yes, friends of mine eventually split up over the issue after years of being together.

WowOoo · 13/05/2011 13:26

Dh wanted to have children not long after we'd met.
Because i did want them eventually it wasn't a problem.

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