Am I doing the right thing?

[danielle1985]

Hi I'm new to this, I'm 26 two children with my 'ex partner' of 2days... ones 8 & ones 6. Ive been with him since I was 16 & love him very much, hes older than me 38 & hes just left me after a row about another girl & his lies...Its been like it from the start hes had so many Ive lost count of the ones I knew about...but it was never 'his fault' he loved 'me' & broke my heart & begged me to take him back & I used to because I couldnt be without him in my life & I'm just not strong enough although I know its not right I know its not the best relationship in some ways like I dont go out for nights out in fact Ive never been out without him for a night out as far as I get is the food shop, the school, or my mums or my nans house. Its just kind of worked out that way to the point that I have relied on him & he had me in a way that I needed him & the threat that I'd have nothing without him. And hes right because Im lonely & I'm sad & Im hoping that he will come back to cuddle me even though theres something inside me wishing he didnt & I could just get over him once & for all because I just dont trust him but I love him so much hes like family, hes my best friend & Ive known him for so long & we have got 2 kids together. I know its early days but Im so scared of being on my own at night in the house with the kids incase someone breaks in or something ( I watch too much crimewatch & Im a wimp!) Im just dreading another night being alone. I know I have to find some strength Im a mum but I just feel devastated....

Ex partner of 2 days - blimey yes it is early days!

I think you know in your heart it wasn't a good relationship don't you. You will be lonely and scared and sad, but don't let that be a reason for taking back someone who has sapped your confidence and cheated on you endlessly. Keep your dignity!

Talk to your Mum, friends etc, get as much real life support as you can to keep you strong.

You split because he was repeatedly unfaithful?

I think that it is very frightening to be going it alone when he's been such a big part of your life, but you know, you can't give up a happier future out of fear of the unknown. You know what you'd get with him, more of the same, lies and cheating.

I think you're doing the right thing.

He's an older man who got with you when you were just a schoolchild, effectively moving in to the father as well as lover role, which is a bit unhealthy IMO. (To be honest it sounds as if he never really grew up himself, and probably never will. This is not excusing his behaviour though, I know children who are more responsible.)

So you never really got into the habit of looking after yourself. It's not all that easy but it is easier than you probably believe. Some quite stupid people seem to manage it, and you don't sound stupid! You're learning the wrong lesson from Crimewatch btw. The thing it should be teaching you is to make your home safer - get alarms fitted, window locks etc. I don't remember what the figures are for housebreaking but it's still a lot fewer houses than are not broken into, but don't trust to luck, strengthen the walls of your personal castle and you'll be fine. There isn't a neon sign above your roof saying "No man lives here! Feel free to pop in and help yourself!" Even if they did know, most burglars wouldn't be particularly keen on meeting a female householder with a good stout poker either.

As for missing him, well yes, of course you will, for quite a while. However, even though you've known no different, you still realise it wasn't a good relationship. You are worth a whole lot more than a narrow existence looking after the children of a man who is busy screwing everything that moves. You can gradually expand the walls of your comfort zone, get out there and meet more people and go more places at a pace that suits you, because you don't need to be home to cook his tea (assuming he isn't eating at his latest girlfriend's...). And you can stop worrying who he is lying to next; it won't be your problem any more. Life will get better, it definitely will. But mourning the relationship, which I'm sure had good bits, will take time. At least you know you can love - not just screw around like him - you can love properly and you will love again. In the meanwhile you have the children, so you got the best out of the deal.