have had enough of no interaction with DH

[imawigglyworm]

I love my DH very much and in our 9 years we have had to deal with alot. But im so fed up with having no proper conversations.
Im not expecting super clever conversations IYKWIM just a conversation about our daily life and the things we have to deal with atm. He just never initiates a conversation and when im talking to him I generally get yeah, yeah etc or he butts in with a really pointless change of subject comment. Im just getting so unbeleivabely bored of it, I talk to other people too but its things like our DS's SN that I want his opinion, choices or input for. He knows exactly how I feel and its been happening for a while but the more it happens I feel like part of me doesnt want to be with him anymore and I dont want to feel like that
is it really too much to ask?

No, it's not too much to ask.

Have you tried working together to change things? What is stopping him from changing, has he ever expressed his feelings about the situation?

it feels like we are always trying to sort things out atm. He does express his feelings occasionally but not often, I find he talks to his friends more openly about stuff than me or if I nag him enough then we can discuss things.
Its not like he wont talk to me because we always disagree we are pretty much on the same wave length when it comes to the important issues.
Its just general conversations too, I usually find myself chatting away wishing he was paying attention but knowing hes not at all! We would pretty much sit in silence otherwise.

Has he got an iphone?

no why?

Had a very similar situation with my XH of 9 yrs. I found I talked to him less than anyone else I knew, getting conversation out of him was like getting blood out of a a stone.

SN in our dc was also an issue he wouldn't or couldn't discuss. I don't know what to advise other than say try and deal with this. It ended up with him leaving for an OW in the end. Apparently he could talk to her. I'm still bewildered by it all.

I've got the same problem with dp. Our conversation is very limited at times well most of the time in fact and I don't think he knows how to have a real conversation he has just never learnt the art. He does have mild aspergers though and he had a horrendous childhood.

I think back to my ex and the indepth totally random intelligent conversations we used to have and I feel rather wistful, because its very hard living with someone who just answers yes/no/ mmm/ .

After yet another arguement we are going to sit down tonight and have a chat.
but I really feel like ive had enough.
Its not just the talking side. Hes lazy round the house we recently moved and only 1 room has been decorated because I done it around the 3 DS's Bearing in mind my SN Ds needs constant attention. It garden needs a lot of work too. He always want to go out with his mates which I dont mind but it annoys me cause he has no time for the house. he always does overtime so the kids sometimes barely see him. I know hes not cheating but he does hide things from me and act totally different around his friends than when hes with me.
I think im scared to end it because im scared of him not being around which is ironic because I feel like a single mum at the best of times. And ive told him that.
I got married for it to last but I done see anything will change and I do still love him.
im so confused, p*ed off and sad atm I dont know what to do.

I'm feeling for you wiggly. My DP is similar. Hard to talk to unless it's around a 'project'. Ask yourself if you want this life for the rest of your life? Can you live with this forever?

huge sympathy from me to, your last post describes dp to a t. Are they the same person

The choice to leave was taken out of my hands in the end, but I have a new DP now, and love that we can chat endlessly about nonsense.

Imagine you both together in 20 yrs when the dc's have gone. What will you talk about then??

Its deliberate by the sound of it. Stonewalling. Lazy fuck. Lazy boring fuck. Gawd girl, get out!

What does he hide from you? Is it serious stuff?

In his defence, which is hard from what you have told us, he may feel that you are v capable of doing all this stuff without him. I am v organized and my DH tends to let me get on with it. Then I get frustrated with his lack of input.

Do you really make joint decisions or is it more that you want a sounding board or his agreement with what you have decided? I rarely really need my DH's input because I have already done all the research and come up with the best solution!