Help please

[i8tlr]

Some advice and opinions please.

6 weeks ago my sisters husband left her saying he didn't love her anymore. It all came out of the blue and he up and left leaving no forwarding address. As the weeks have gone by my sister has slowly started to come to terms with what has happened and is trying to rebuild her life.

However, I am in a bit of a dilemma about a forthcoming holiday abroad which I am due to go on with friends and my sisters estranged husband. The flights were booked before this came about and my first instinct is to not go out of loyalty to my sister. on the other hand I have been away with my friends every year since I left school (25 years) and feel as though my brother in law, who has only tagged along in the last couple of years, should decline to come. However, I have found out via one of my friends that he still intends to come.

If feel that if I go, this will upset my sister deeply and I know I will have 20 questions re his behaviour whilst he's there and when I get back. I also think that I will have issues with any "innapropriate" behaviour whilst we are away. Losing the money I have paid for the flight is not an issue to me but I know it will be for my brother in law.

Any advice will be very welcome.

i8tlr

Why are you going on holiday with your BIL, and friends?

I wouldn't go btw, even you can afford to forfeit your flight money.

Personally I wouldn't go. It's not right that you lose your holiday and your money for the flights but I think it would be too difficult for you and your sister. he should do the decent thing and not go but if that isn't going to happen then I think you should give it a miss. Your relationship with your sister and your own values are more important.

I would tell your BIL that due to the circumstances, HE has instigated a situation by walking out on your sister and it would be untenable for you both to attend the same holiday therefore HE should forfeit the holiday.

If he still wishes to go, tell him you won't and could he reimburse you for losses due to his fuckwittery. Thankyou

Why was your sister not going?

Are you staying in the same place, ie villa, or a hotel? At least in a hotel you can stay away from him.

Have you spoken to your sister about this, what does she say?

Maybe he wont go if you are going?

@aleene - It's a yearly thing and something my school friends and I have kept up since we left school. My brother in law was only invited a couple of years ago as we doulbed up our trip for my 40th.

@merrywidow - like the advice and it's mainly sums up my feelings on the matter.

@cook - It's a boys jolly so my sister wont be going. Staying in seperate hotels is not really an option as it would fragment the group that is going. When he left my sister he text me asking if this would affect our friendship. I said that although he has done nothing to hurt me personally, my loyalty is to my sister. He hasn't spoken to me or text me since.

What does your sister say? Tell her the situation, explaining that you feel uncomfortable and tempted not to go and won't go if she is against it. See what she says.

@springydaffs - I've spoken to my sister about the situation and she feels that it should be her husband that declines to go but understands my feelings.
Personally I feel he should use the week to spend with his 2 children as he has gone from being a full time Dad to seeing them once a fortnight. An affair is suspected so it's all ver messy.

What Merrywidow says seems to be the prefect solution. I doubt he'll reimburse your expenses though.

Goodluck.

Sorry, just realised my last sentence didn't make sense. It should say if not even.
If he is not committed to seeing his children then def do not go. With alcohol in the mix surely there would be too much temptation to say something and it could get very unpleasant.

Possession is nine tenths of the law. Who made the booking, who actually has the tickets? - they have the whip hand.