Told I was temporary fun & just filled a void in his life

[cryingagain]

Disappointed in myself for believing someone actually cared about me. I really wanted to be liked for being me.

4 years later he recently told me I filled a void in his life that his ex left (She was "the love of his life") & that I was only ever temporary fun.

Turns out when he cancelled our planned events, he was meeting "her" as a friend & when he asked me to do last-minute things with him it was because she had done a no-show.

He never cared, did he?

look at it this way he is the needy one having to have someone in his life while still pinning for his ex. no true friends woudl not do that

yes being angry is healthy why shouldn't you be angry he has had very little respect for your feelings its been all about him

i think best to cut all ties with him, he will only turn it around to being all about him again.

I don't like waking up in the mornings. Another day of trying to keep hold of my self-respect. It's such a battle. Every minute feels like an hour. It takes every tiny part of me to be strong.

How do I stop myself dwelling? I'm not feeling sorry for myself at all & I don't want contact with him. Just want to stop myself from thinking about all those situations where the lies & deceit took place.

I keep getting flashbacks. I have to walk past what was "our place" twice a day for my work. I can't take a different way. It's horrible.

Help me stay strong!

Please.

If you are feeling this bad you should talk to your GP and/or see if you can arrange some counselling for yourself. There is help out there and it is not shameful to need it or ask for it.

I think maybe a counsellor might be an idea. It will get better but it hurts oh so much (I know that feeling very well at the moment). I've found talking to friends has helped. A friend this morning listened to me say how I don't understand how he can behave like this to me, this isn't who he was. She then very calmly said that yes that is who he was, he was just a figment of his own imagination, in that he pretended to be the person he wanted to be, the person he knew I wanted. Sounds like similar in your situation.
Get out in the sunshine, get a haircut, manicure, buy some new clothes, spoil yourself - you're worth it.
I think going between anger and sadness is very common too, just don't contact him because it hurts soooooo much when you do that and they don't reply, I learnt that the hard way last week!

I'm confused - how long have you been in a relationship with this man?

Had you both agreed to try for a child together? Reading between the lines I wonder if you had hoped a child might bring the two of you closer and perhaps take the relationship to another level?

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I'm sure it is hugely painful.

No, I wasn't relying on a child. I would have been more than happy to raise him or her on my own & wasn't looking for a sperm donor. That issue was the biggest thing.

He did fabricate everything as well, yep.

When I tried to tell him I was pregnant he refused to meet me, he would get cross on his communications. We were arguing about something else & during this time he told me f* off so I never got to tell him he may be a daddy.

We got talking again & he said if he'd have known he would have been there for me (Twisting it round to being my fault) He said he would make it up tome on the due date to turn it into a postive day, we had everything planned....then he obviously got a better offer for that day. So he DID know, I did keep him in the loop so he could be there for me as a chance to compensate but yet again he chose not to.

Still, I am very proud of myself...I had to email him about work stuff so I kept it very cold, didn't even say "Hi". I sent just one work-related sentence then when he replied I didn't acknowledge it.

I will treat it as a learning curve & move on in a good way.

I think you may need some help to move on. The impression I am getting from your posts is that this man has actually been trying to disengage from you for some time and you have not been listening.

• • More help needed please * *

I am receiving emails & texts from him in which he is calling me horrible undeserved names.

I want to set him straight to prove I am not as he says I am but I also do not want to contact him....advice please.

Part of me is being really strong & not retaliating but the other part thinks I should stand up for myself & not allow him to do this to me.

Calling him a knobhead or any other names will not help you. Look at the positives.

I think he has done you a big favourby being honest - brutally so- but still honest.

Now you know he is not that into you and you should move on.

Cry all you want today but put a smile on your face tomorrow.

Be strong and good luck

OP

Stay away from your phone and email. Just leave it.

I sound harsh but believe me, don't respond.

You have been very strong and not contacted him. He doesn't like that. Although he is the one that walked away he wants you hanging around still wanting him to feed his ego.

If you contact him in anyway you are letting him back in.

Either keep the messages for proof if he carries on or delete and block all his methods of contacting you.

As rabbit says he is getting off on the drama don't give him the satisfaction of knowing it is getting to you.