Hi sorry this might be a bit long and there may be some spelling miskates, im dyslexic so im sorry. i did use a spellchecker though :)
I have been with my DP for a year now. I have a 2 year old DD from a previous relationship and my DP adores her. They get on so well and she loves him to bits.
i first found out he was cheating on me about 2 months into our relationship. I picked up his phone by accident (we have the same phone) and opened a text from another woman going into detail how much she enjoyed last night and couldnt wait to see him again. he tried to lie and say it was his mate winding him up but im not stupid and i went mad. he promised he wuldnt do it again and that he wanted to be with me.
I gave him another chance but everything sort of went downhill. We were hardly ever intimate there was no more nice texts or sexy texts that we used to send to each other and he would turn his phone off and disapear for days at a time.
At christmas i had enough and i hacked into his emails. Turns out he had beens signed up to a swingers site for months and was meeting several differet woman for sex - the main one being the woman i caught him with the first time. I was totally heartbroken and so so angry. Again he tried to lie saying it wasnt him but i told him i had read everything. He then tried to make it my fault for him doing it because i wouldnt agree to a threesome so he thought it was ok for him to go out and try and find another woman for a threesome anyway. I threw him out and he again said he was sorry and he would never do it again. I decided to go against the advice of my friends and i gave him another chance. that was probarbly stupid but it was my decision so i suppose feeling like this is my own fault.
Since then things have been better. He has been spending more time here with us and has been taking more of an interest in the relationship. Sex life has improved a bit but its still only once a month which really isnt enough for me. He also has to be drunk before he will be intimate with me and that sets alarm bells off in my head. I thought maybe he didnt fancy me because im overweight but the other woman he was sleeping with are a lot bigger than i am so im not sure its that. It could just be because he is genuinley not attracted to me which begs the question of why is he with me?
I am a really shy person and i hate confrontation, it scares me, so im not realy sure how to ask him whats going on. i just try and guess whats going on inside his head.
Im pretty sure the cheating has stopped now but i still have that doubt of is he really going where he says he is going etc. he has a passcode on his phone too so i cant even check that. not that i would because ive learnt my lesson in that department.
what i really want to know is, has anyone else been in this situation and how do i move forward? The relationship is generally good, i love him and we get on so well together and have a laugh most of the time. I just dont think he is genuinley happy with me even though he says he does want to be with me and my DD.
I wouldnt say i was happy, im content. Im only 22 and this is really my first serious relationship so im not sure if its normal to have lack of trust or feel so hurt months after they have cheated. Like i said im pretty sure its stopped but i cant forget about it. Something always reminds me of it and i feel sick when i think about it. Is it my own fault for prying?