Don't know how to help...

[JazzAnnNonMouse]

very good friend of mine is/has been having a tough time.

Last year my friend moved her and her little girl away from all of her family and friends and support network to move in with her partner who she's been with for nearly 4 years. (He's at university and therefore couldn't move to her)

She's since made some friends and has herself enrolled into university. They've had a tough year and neither have been happy throughout - both talking to me about how to change the other person .He's very immature for his age (late starting uni) and for example throughout the year has said he has no money for things like electricity but will then come home at 4 or 5 in the morning off his face on booze or drugs. She believes she deserves this behaviour and has very low self esteem due to (I believe) the way men have treated her in the past and the lack of loving relationships she's been exposed to.

They're still living together but are sleeping top and tail (?!?!) at the minute because they're not together.

Am I being totally off or does this sound like a completely bizaare situation?

My friend is trying to look for somewhere else to live (whilst secretly hoping he'll take her back I think) but she can't move out as she hasn't the money for deposit or a gaurantor.

I've suggested speaking to the council as she's technically homeless (or could be within days) and they will house her somewhere suitable. She's resisting because she doesn't want to go into a 'dirty tiny hole' (surely council homes are checked?!) and why uproot her child when she's in a 'loving home' In my opinion how they're living now is not a loving home. They argue constantly (still) and it's a very hostile enviroment.

I have no idea what to do to help but I'm pretty certain that what's happening at the moment is not healthy.

Does anyone know where she stands legally? (the house is owned by her partners family but they live elsewhere)
Any opinions on what she should do?
DP and myself couldn't be more different and I really struggle to see why she's putting up with all of this misery - please tell me most relationships aren't like this??
ahhhh!!!

how does 'dirty tiny hole' mean 'council house'??

she maybe means b and b,which is what she'd likely get at first....single person with one child wouldnt gegt a house

she probably realises she is stuck,hence making best of bad situation. not much you can do

unless you lend her deposit and be her guarantor?

or she could approach council to see if they do rent assist scheme

I can assure, both you and your friend, council houses are not "dirty tiny holes"

I have a lovely home, yes, its council, its not tiny, nor a tiny hole

Do you both think council tenants live in caves OP?

meant to type nor a dirty hole , not a tiny hole, sorry!!! been a very long day

no! this is what I'm saying to her!!!!
I know lots of people who have lovely council homes and I'm saying to her that they have to be of a certain standard anyway surely?

I can't lend her the deposit or be a guarantor unfortunately - otherwise I would've done so already!!

the dirty tiny hole is not my opinion but hers - that's why it's in quotes..

no,they are not of any particular standard when let out.....but thats beside the point!!

if she goes to the council as homeless she will get what is available!! it will not be a newly decorated house!! it will be still with last tenants decor and her job to decorate to taste! but it will be the roof over her head she requires...

well what I mean by standard is that they won't be falling apart and have holes in the ceiling but will be adequate for living purposes!

Do you think she should try this route?

do the uni not have someone who can advise?

I don't know but being at uni myself I very much doubt it!