I have a very close friend (25) that I've known since we were small children. She has always had self confidence issues, her younger sister was favoured by her parents and I think that's affected her more than she would admit. She has recently started seeing someone that she met on a dating site, and at first everything sounded great. He was kind, generous, affectionate, good job, good circle of friends etc. She couldn't believe her luck (like I said, confidence issues). One night we were chatting and she said she keeps waiting for "the bubble to burst, that he won't be as perfect as he is now..."
Turns out the bubble has well and truly burst. My sister has been talking to her a lot (we all live at opposite ends of the country now, often returning back to our home village for family visits etc) and has learned a whole lot about the guy. He's been aggressive and intimidating to our friend, following her when she's on nights out with friends to make sure she's not with other guys. He turns up at her flat unexpectedly, as though to catch her with someone else. He has bullied her, mocked her and is open about being obsessed with his ex - to the point where he sits outside his ex's flat in his car until the police are called. My friend's flatmate now won't let him into their flat, which is a blessing.
Now, it's obvious that this guy is a bastard to the nth degree, but how can I make my friend realise this? She's saying that she wants to make it work, that she's happy with him etc but she's just so... tired, I suppose. She's only been seeing him for two months but she sounds exhausted already.
She's terrified of being alone. This guy is just the latest in a string of men who haven't treated her properly. At the slightest sign of interest (eg, out in the pub or at a dance) she will jump into bed with a guy and then spend months obsessing over every tiny detail or every little thing they say even if they never go near her again. Case in point, a man she was seeing (when I say seeing, I think she was "with" him twice) has recently returned to work in a local hotel. My friend now won't go near the hotel, because "he might think I'm there to see him, what would I say, what would I do?" She had a fling with this guy five years ago.
This has been a bit of a long story, and I've probably painted my friend in a slightly pathetic way. I love her to pieces, she's like a sister to me and I hate seeing her repeat the same old story with the lowlives she falls for. How can I help her to realise that she doesn't need to settle for the first guy that comes along, and how can I help build her confidence so that she's happy being independent?