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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Infedility

15 replies

workingmumnhs · 07/11/2005 14:37

I know I may be slated by a lot of mothers on this borad but I need some advice.
I have been involved in a affair for the past four months and it has finally been discovered.
I was forced to tell my DH yesterday and now I am waiting for him to decide what he is going to do.
We are not married but we have a three year old DD together and a mortgage. Can he kick me out of the house.
I pay the bills from my own account, I pay the mortgage from my account and he used to give me money every week towards the bills.
I am not going to pursue the relationship with the bit on the side. I can see me becoming a single mum.
What am I entitled to?
Go easy on the insults please.

OP posts:
NomDePlume · 07/11/2005 14:39

Go and see the CAB. They will advise you of your financial options.

mancmum · 07/11/2005 14:40

not for us to judge why you did it... but I guess some will do..

you need to get to CAB v fast as your situation is complicated by no marriage... is your H on the birth certificate.. does he have parental rights?

if mortgage is in both names, you are entitled to 50% if it is in his name, make sure you keep all statements to show your contributions.... get a solicitor but don't move out..

WigWamBam · 07/11/2005 14:42

I agree that you should go and see someone from the CAB or speak to a solicitor. What happens next will depend on your situation and they can advise you on that.

aloha · 07/11/2005 14:44

Is the house jointly owned ( I mean the house, not just the mortgage)?
Get some legal advice pronto.
I'm not interested in judging you at all.

Blu · 07/11/2005 14:44

Do you want top save your relationship, if possible?

NotActuallyAMum · 07/11/2005 15:03

If the house is jointly owned then he certainly can't kick you out

Not sure where you stand if it's his house tho

Original poster
workingmumnhs · 07/11/2005 15:06

just spoke to him. he wants to sort it out but I'm not sure I want to anymore. No he doesn't have parental responsibility but his name is on the birth certificate (She was born a year before the parental responsiblilty and name on birth certificate came in), the mortgageis jointly owned and in both names. All payments have been from my account.
Someone told me that he has a right by law to provide a house/maintenace for us till DD is 16/18. Is this true. I don't wasnt to loose my house along with my childminder (his mother)

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 07/11/2005 15:10

His financial obligation is to his daughter not to you, but you have joint ownership of the house/mortgage which is a separate matter

Listmaker · 07/11/2005 15:28

You can probably stay in the house until your dd is 18 I think. He will have to pay maintenance for his dd. It would be better if you can buy him out though - otherwise you'll have to sell up or buy him out when your dd is 18 and it would be worth much more then.

MeerkatsUnite · 07/11/2005 15:44

Hi,

Both parents are responsible for supporting a child financially. The father is equally responsible even if he is neither living with the mother nor named on the child?s birth certificate. He can be contacted by the Child Support Agency for maintenance.

It goes without saying you need good legal advice as soon as possible.

aloha · 07/11/2005 19:41

The mortgage is almost irrelevant, the important thing is that you jointly own the house. In which case you are entitled to half the equity - but legally not necessarily anything else, sadly. Though anything you agree between yourselves is for you two to decide. And you are not entitled to maintenance for yourself, only for your child.
Why would your MIL stop looking after her grandchild while her son works if you split up? Has she said so or are you just assuming she would?
I think you need legal advice, but I would avoid getting involved with the courts unless you absolutely have to. It's a grisly business.

Original poster
workingmumnhs · 08/11/2005 16:45

He wants to work it out and I am going to try. Thanks for all your advice. I will NEVER make the same mistake again. We both know we need to talk to each other more often and spend time together (something that has seriously been lacking since the birth of DD) And yes MIL told me she wouldn't have the baby if I didn't sort it out.
Thanks Again Everyone

OP posts:
Blu · 08/11/2005 17:22

I hope things work out well for you, WMN.

Original poster
workingmumnhs · 09/11/2005 09:14

Thanks. I hope they do to.

OP posts:
bubbles2904 · 09/11/2005 18:30

i had this problem when i split with my ex, i sold the house in the end and moved back in with my parents because, i could never move on, he told me that he would haunt me whilst the house was still jointly owned, which meant he was entitled to a key for the property. he then gave his job up so he wouldn't have to pay anything towards dd.selfish, arrogant arsehole, i never cheated though, just didn't love him anymore. this is not a dig, but i really don't understand why people cheat when they have children, i felt trapped for 2 1/2 years after dd was born but managed to get out, and her grandparents still mind her because i didn't piss them off. don't be too hard on mil, she's just reacting this way because you've hurt her son and gd, and will come around

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