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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

i'm so pissed off....

19 replies

peachyuk · 04/05/2011 19:19

a bit of background first, got an 8 week old dd with colic, reflux and meds are making her constipated (sp?)

dp or should that just be p is really starting to piss me off. he very rarely helps out with dd, (get the usual excuses, i didn't hear her, you're better at it that then me, i'm tired, i've been to work.....)

anyway he is off work this week so i thought yay might get some help and maybe even a break???

how wrong was i??? he said he was going to tidy the house up on monday....still waiting, said he was going to tidy up the kitchen yesterday, its still a shit hole. usually by now i've done it then all i get is 'oh i was going to do that' usually after an arguement as he will do it in his own time

anyway this afternoon really took the piss. he has been out all day, came home about 5ish went straight on his laptop then decided that he was going to lie down for a bit anf that noise (meaning his dd screaming in pain as she is trying to do a poo) is giving him a headache

not really expecting any replies just needed the rant

OP posts:

PersonalClown · 04/05/2011 19:21

Are you BFing??

if not, fuck off out for the whole day. Sit in Costa/Starbucks and drink you weight in coffee and read a good book. Let him deal with DD.

TheOriginalFAB · 04/05/2011 19:21

Ignore ignore ignore the baby.

Get yourself settled with some chocolate and a drink and cuddle your daughter and do whatever she needs you to do.

Then put the other baby in your life straight about how things will be from now on.

jellyvodkas · 04/05/2011 20:12

He is a selfish lazy man who is heading for a shock/bust up.
you shouldnt just sound off, you need to talk to him and express how you feel he is being unsupportive.
He needs to look after your baby soon , (even if on a bottle only once a day)and you should go shopping and have time off from being a mother. Its early days yet but DH should be getting involved with little one by now. Infact from Day 1 .

I can sympathize cos my Ex was like this with our first child. I was left to it and i built up so much resentment . In the end i wandered into the arms of someone else (6 yrs later) and we split up. It was awful so not recommended.
I just hope you can sort this, for your sake and your childs. Speak to him !!!!! Stay calm. strong and assertive.
You have EVERY right to be so pissed off.
Wishing you the best of luck.xx

FabbyChic · 04/05/2011 20:22

OMG sounds like he needs a serious kick up the arse, does he want to be a father or just a lodger in his own home.

Ask him when he wakes up what he is? Is he just someone who sleeps, eats and shits there, or is he part of a family who have not long had a new baby?

Ask him if he wants to be a lodger maybe he would like to take his carcass elsewhere and reside because at the moment he is not acting like a partner or a father.

Original poster

peachyuk · 04/05/2011 21:06

i know i should talk to him but i get the same old excuses

he got up about 7 came downstairs wanted to know why dd was still screaming made a coffee then fucked off back up stairs to watch the football. even closed the door so he could hear it

there is no way i could leave him to look after her for a day. when out to the shop once only to come home with her screaming and him with a face like a slapped arse

OP posts:

Mauvemay · 04/05/2011 23:27

Get a better husband/father.

Don't worry about that sounding scary, the first man off the street would be more use than that twunt.

Original poster

peachyuk · 04/05/2011 23:33

thats what pisses me off

if my friend was sitting here saying that to me i'll get her to get rid

but right now i just haven't got the energy to waste on him

OP posts:

LoopyLoopsBettyBoops · 04/05/2011 23:33

Any redeeming features? No? Get rid.

LoopyLoopsBettyBoops · 04/05/2011 23:34

Energy? It would take less energy to pack him a bag than to think about him and get pissed off.

Still say get rid.

Original poster

peachyuk · 04/05/2011 23:37

i know i need to get rid

just trying to think of a plan, don't want to stay in the house as i know he would make every excuse to keep comming back

i need to get out!!!

OP posts:

LoopyLoopsBettyBoops · 04/05/2011 23:42

Just get rid of him for now. Do a plan later.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 05/05/2011 02:28

OK, usual basics: Whose name is on the mortgage/tenancy agreement? If it's just yours, tell him to go. If it's in joint names, consult a solicitor: you can get an unwanted partner out of a house and banned from returning (though heavy legal injunctions are harder to get if he's tiresome but not violent or frightening). Do you think he would leave if you told him to? If you think he might get aggressive, talk to WA or the local DV unit first.
Best of luck, I'm not surprised you are sick of him.

Original poster

peachyuk · 05/05/2011 11:09

thats the thing he isn't violent. he just thinks he's single and child free

thats why i think it would be better if i left

OP posts:

ChippingIn · 05/05/2011 11:15

8 week old DD with colic, reflux & meds that are making her constipated... you shouldn't have to be thinking about anything else.

Would he go if you told him to or would he kick off & refuse?

gawdblimey · 05/05/2011 11:21

whatever happens, you are now glued to your husband for the next 18 years at least through your child

might possibly have been better to have considered your poor relationship that before bringing a child into it

morphthecat · 05/05/2011 11:35

Hmm,that's not very helpful is it,gawdblimey ?

Poor you ,peachy,and poor dd.You sound as if you are doing really well.
How much use was he before dd was born?

I wonder,since it all sounds sooo tiring for him,if he might go and stay with friends/family for a bit. You would soon find out how much easier it is with only one baby to look after. And maybe the suggestion would be a starting point toa conversation about longer term plans?

ChippingIn · 05/05/2011 11:35

gawdblimey - that's helpful, I'm sure peachy will really appreciate your post.

or in plain english - do be a dear and fuck off

Original poster

peachyuk · 05/05/2011 12:24

thanks gawdblimey - knew i had that crystal ball for a reason, well all my fault for not using it

before dd was born i really couldn't fault him, my friend is going away soon to visit family so might ask if we could stay at her place for a bit

OP posts:

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 05/05/2011 12:35

Actually, you're not really 'tied' to him; men this lazy and selfish quite often fuck off and disappear. Though this does mean that they kind of get off scot free as the CSA are not that much cop at digging maintenance out of the really useless ones. Still, not having him in the house to pick up after will be an improvement.
But having a break from him is a good idea: also, find out as much information as possible about how things would be if you get rid of him; what benefits you would be entitled to etc and all the stuff about the mortgage/tenancy.

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