Wedding anniversary tomorrow - not feeling the desire to celebrate.

[skintagain]

I'm a bit worried about posting this, but here goes.

Married for 4 years, 2 DCs.

Last month DH admitted he was 'addicted' to porn. I knew he liked a look, but he said he spent hours looking at it on his phone (he works shifts), whilst I was at work. Lovely.

I didn't really know what to say. He hasn't run up any bills, he hasn't met up with anyone (or communicated with them), so I was just a bit bloody pissed off that he'd told me. WTF was my reaction supposed to be?

Anyway, since then I just feel he's spoilt things and made me feel a bit foolish.

He tried to make a move on me the other night and I just told him to get off. I said I'm still not over the porn issue. He's never 'forced' the issue. Our sex life is now non existant, and I'd feel stupid 'celebrating' tomorrow with a card and a gift when I have this underlying sense of betrayal.

He's an excellent father, and a decent bloke. We're pretty broke, and knackered with 2 young DCs but now we're just a bit stuck in a rut.

I'm not really up for counselling. I've had a few sessions (and some with him), and unfortunatley we can't really afford it, and we can't arrange childcare to do it again.

Please be gentle. I'm a bit flat about the whole thing.

Don't really have any advice, but didn't want this to go unanswered.
What I would do is tell him that you don't feel like celebrating your anniversary, and exactly why. HE has to make things better, not you. Your feelings are completely understandable.

Im sorry his recent revelation has knocked you for six. How do you feel about it? Are you sad that he feels the need to look at porn? Do you think it is a reflection on you?

It's not clear from your post as to whether you are offended or not but seems to be that you would rather have not known.

Him telling you is a good thing. At least he is honest. Does he admit he needs help?

Thank-you all for replying.

To answer questions: I think he wants to make it better, but doesn't know how. I feel OK about porn, I can see why it's a turn on, and why people want to look at it. I think I just feel like it's sordid that he's spent hours and hours trawling round the net getting his fix. I don't feel that it's necessarily a reflection on me, but I'm not 'putting out' at the moment and I guess everyone has needs.

I'm not massively offended but my problem is that he said he's addicted to it. I don't actually think he is - there aren't any of the side effects of a real addiction in my view.

He said he wants to get help and go for counselling (together), but honestly we're so on the breadline at the moment we can't afford it. I could have some sessions through work (for free), but it's not going to be a whole lot of help if he isn't there.

I think we need a full and frank discussion about it, but I'm afraid that actually the answer isn't going to be counselling. We're going to discover that I don't feel the same way about him now, and that the romance/passion side of things is dead and maybe never to return?