Not sure if I want this relationship or not.... feeling lost

[extraconfusedhelp]

Hi Everyone,

Go easy on me please, this might sound very jumbled as I am feeling really confused.

I have been seeing a guy for about 5months. Been seperarte from exp (dd's dad for about 7 months). I was with him for 7 years on and off and now i am starting to relaise how messed up it has made me.

I have been doing crazy stuff since we broke up like getting drunk and sleeping with random people. And basically treating myself like crap. (only when I go out not in normal everyday life).

Anyway the guy Ive been seeing has always said he wants a relationship with me. Sometimes I want it, sometimes I feel that Im going to stop seeing him altogether.

I enjoy being around him, but do not think I could settle down with him forever. So is it unfair to get in a relationship with him knowing that I feel this way?

He has a good side to him but I really dont feel like he is boyfriend material for me as I dont feel that he really makes enough of an effort.

Ahhh I dont know what to say really and feel like this doesnt make sense, but hey better out then in

I think after 7 years with someone and then being "messed up" if I were you I'd probably want to spend some time on my own. You know, time to concentrate on yourself and your daughter, without spending effort/time on anyone else.
It's good to be single for a while sometimes - it gives you a chance to work out what you want from your next relationship, if you want one at all.

Think you need to simplify things for yourself.

Stop going out and getting pissed up and shagging people. Forget about this chap that you have met only 2 months after breaking up with your DDs dad. Likely he's not the man of your dreams if your meeting him at such a bad time in your life.

Concentrate on yourself and more importantly your DD. How confused will she feel if her Mums all over the place and not focussing on helping her through this split? She is most important relationship you have and need right now.

Set yourself some non-man related goals like doing a college course or taking your DD on a little holiday. Slowly, day by day, it will get easier and you will feel less confused and stronger. Good luck - you can fix all this pretty easily.

It would be very silly to get in deeper with this guy, who you know you don't want long-term. I think you should either keep it very casual or drop him altogether.

I do agree with rancerdoo, you'd be better on your own as it's awfully soon after your split and another man isn't the answer.

There's nothing wrong in sleeping around and being a bit wild, if you're keeping safe and it's kept well away from the dc, but if it feels self-destructive to you, you should maybe consider counselling.

I think you should spend some time on your own, no men, boyfriends, ONSs etc.

It will clear your head and then you will know more what you want from your life...

Obviously don't need to tell you hope you are protecting yourself from pregnancy/STDs!

Thanks you all for the replies.

rudeenglish - I'm not completelty all over the place, my dd is the main focus in my life and miles more improtant then anyone else in my life. None of this is ever around her, and only happens every now and again ( not like its even once a month).

zikes - this is why im worried as im wondering if it is me being self destructive. as it is not my normal behaviour.