At what stage in a relationship do you discuss the big stuff?

[WhenIsTooSoon]

I've been happily with my dp for 9 months now, which I know in the grand scheme of things is nothing. But recently my mind has been ticking about the future and where we're going. I have 2 dc, and he has been absolutely brilliant with them, we took it very very slowly where the children (and the relationship tbh) were concerned at first but now I do feel very secure with him.
Is now the time to talk about the future? I don't want to frighten him, and tbh I doubt it would, but I feel I need to know what his expectations are. I want to know whether he sees us being together long term, whether he wants children, if he sees us moving in. None of this is desperate, if anything I would be terrified of taking these steps right now as I've been hurt by the dc's dad before and commiting again, and actually trusting someone has been difficult.
So is it ok to broach these things? Is it normal for me to feel this way? And how on earth do I bring it up?

I think now is a great time to talk. What's less great is you feeling so nervous about broaching the future with him. You said yourself it's unlikely to scare him off.

You are a woman in a relationship, you are perfectly entitled to ask if he wants the same things as you. It's a good thing to establish this now, before any more time passes and you end up hearing he just wants a fling.

If you want a future, you have to create it, starting now. Best of luck with the chat.

That's exactly how I see it too perfumedlife, so thank you. It's purely my own insecurity, not about our relationship at all, just in general. Sadly I'm one of life's pessimists in many ways so haveing something so good takes some getting used to :)

Bump for the evening crowd

I would say leave it another three months, unless of course he initiates the conversation. A year is a good milestone and an ideal opportunity to talk about the next step. :)

I think DP and I had had it by this time, mostly as tbh I was up the duff. lol. but anyhow, it sounds about the right time, I do feel that perhaps at this point usually you do have a good idea on how things will progress & if he's interested in a future etc.

but yes I think it's normal as it is to be worried about his response, after all you're putting yourself in a vunerable position - something a lot of folk are not keen on - he might be feeling the exact same.

As to how you do it - I have no idea, in our case it was kind of a oh dear i'm pg guess that means we should sort something out really lol. I wouldn't advise a big deal being made out of it though maybe try to keep things quite light hearted.

what do you want OP? If he said actually I am happy with how it is would you be - do you want another child or children? do you want to live with someone else? I would get clear in your mind first

This is the thing. Maybe i am jumping the gun as I don't know for sure. I think I do want a future with him, which is why I kind fo want to sound him out. If he did come back and say he wants to keep it casual, that would be massive food for thought. I think, despite my previous assertations that I was happy with 2, that actually I do want another. And I do want to be with someone who will show proper commitment (ex walked out when I was pregnant so I have issues with this) And I think he'd be a great dad. But I feel scared to make those decisions less than a year in.

I would say work out in your own mind what you want first and then sound him out when you really want things to move forward. You could have the talk and then find things moving along too quickly if you aren't really ready yet.
I have been with my bf for 8 months and although we have both agreed that it is a long term thing thats enough for me for now. The logistics of us ever moving in together properly are hurrendous and something I don't even want to contemplate yet.
But as we can't have any more dc there is no rush for us, we can take our time.