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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Give me your view point on this please.

23 replies

3menconudrum · 03/05/2011 15:23

I have name changed but am a regular. I need your view point on this please.

I split from an 8 yr relationship in Jan, I have 3 men vaguely in my life right now.

Man 1 is an angel, he is the full package but we can't have a relationship, he is moving away for work commitments in Sept, we have had fun and fooled around, he makes me laugh, makes me feel safe and we get on really well. He can't be mine but I can't find it in me to end it before I get hurt, I figure I will keep seeing him as 'friends with benefits' until he goes and then deal with the broken heart then, I think if he were staying we could have something, I am well and truly smitten. Feel free to tell me I'm a fool who is heading for trouble.

Man 2 is a nice guy, he has expressed his fondness for me and wants us to be an item. There is sadly no attraction there on my pint but I would like him as a friend. I have been honest with him and said we can never be more than friends but he is persistent. Am I stupid to keep him around for company and friendship or it that cruel knowing he wants more.

Man 3 is a fucking nightmare, he is texting me continuously even though he has a pregnant fiancée. I have told him bluntly NO but he keeps on, how do I make him realise I am just not interested.

Any advice or input would help me. I don't know what I ma after, I feel a bit of a mess right now.

OP posts:

realrabbit · 03/05/2011 15:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AlistairSim · 03/05/2011 15:28

Number three - just delete/block his number.

Original poster

3menconudrum · 03/05/2011 15:30

Man 1 is only going about 3hrs away, he hasn't said directly he likes me but it's there, he does however say he is scared to fall for someone because he is so focused on his life ambitions and goals and he doesn't want to have to compromise them, he is very bust all the time with work and study and other projects. He is only young and I have 2 kids, he openly admits to being afraid of relationship commitment.

OP posts:

zikes · 03/05/2011 15:32

Not sure why he can't be 'yours': long-distance relationships can work or you could move? Or is he with someone?

Personally I'd stop seeing him, as I've never found guys like that give up, and I can't be bothered with having to explain just want to be friends for the nth time.

Block and delete.

Original poster

3menconudrum · 03/05/2011 15:37

I think he thinks that a relationship would be to hard what with all his stuff going on. The sensible part of me says 'get out now' because its going to hurt but I cant seem to do it.

How do I block man 3's number?

OP posts:

ShoutyHamster · 03/05/2011 15:39

Man 1: Suggest keeping in touch with no strings - he's been upfront with you, clearly needs to go off and do his things - if there's something real there, he might find that he can't get you out of his head after all...

Man 2: Drop contact. Either he's lovely and it's not fair on him, or he's pushy in which case he's going to get REALLY irritating. Either way, it's no friendship, really.

Man 3: Delete/block. Or, you could reply stating that you've kept every single one of his texts, and if you get one more to add to the pile, you'll make sure you find a way to forward them to his girlfriend.

worldgonecrazy · 03/05/2011 15:41

None of them.

Don't finish with No. 1 but don't expect anything. Give it time and maybe it will work out, maybe it won't. Who knows what your lives will be like this time next year?

No. 2 - I agree with zikes and would stop seeing him as it's unfair and may be raising his hopes.

No. 3 - block his number. If he persists then just ask him for his fiancee's phone number so you can tell her what a dickhead she is involved with.

madonnawhore · 03/05/2011 15:41

OK, don't mean to sound harsh but they all sound like hidings to nothing.

Doesn't want to get serious with you. End of.

You don't fancy him and never will. You can't 'just be friends' with someone you know has feelings for you. Pointless.

He's a nasty piece of work. Ignore.

CandiceMariePratt · 03/05/2011 15:42

Get rid of them all and find a new one that you do like and isn't moving away.

Original poster

3menconudrum · 03/05/2011 15:43

I think I have to let Man 1 go, he is on my fb so we can keep in touch and hope that one day we may be brought back together, I am mainly concerned with him being happy.

Shame about man 2, he says he wants to treat me like a princess, he puts me on a pedestal but I don't think he will give up so will tell him gently again the situation then stop contact.

I will block man 3's number when I work out how, he is local so may be awkward but he is also a nob.

OP posts:

Original poster

3menconudrum · 03/05/2011 15:43

madonnawhore don't worry about sounding harsh, I need it! Your probably right.

OP posts:

zikes · 03/05/2011 15:45

Oh x-posted with you OP.

Number 1 has basically told you he's not interested in anything long-term with you, I think you should believe him.

All of them bad bets, I'm afraid.

ChippingIn · 03/05/2011 15:48

Yes, let M1 go, do not stay friends on FB, this way heartache lies. (You can keep each others mobile numbers for any 'change of heart')

M2 - yes, been there, done that... stop contact.

M3 - tell him one final time that you do not want to hear from him again. If he contacts you again tell him if he doesn't leave you alone you will call the police.

Enjoy the sunshine and don't go looking for a man :)

Original poster

3menconudrum · 03/05/2011 15:48

Your right I need to get some balls and finish it properly with all of them. It doesn't help that he is so very pretty.

OP posts:

Original poster

3menconudrum · 03/05/2011 15:49

I haven't looked! They all fell into my life. Thanks for the help I kind of knew what the gist would be I just needed telling.

OP posts:

ChippingIn · 03/05/2011 15:51

madonnawhore · 03/05/2011 15:54

It's like poker. Either you try and bluff with the average hand you've been dealt, or fold and get dealt a winning hand next time.

Original poster

3menconudrum · 03/05/2011 15:55

Ohh I like that metaphor. I shall remember that one. :)

OP posts:

TheOriginalFAB · 03/05/2011 16:14

It is really easy to block number 3 man. You have an option to add to reject list on your phone - use it.

I would let number 2 go as anything as it isn't fair as even if you tell him nothing can happen he will always hope.

Number 1 - friends with benefits won't work as already you are expecting a broken heart. Stop shagging him.

Spend some time alone without any man until you get some self esteem than doesn't need you to have men in your life for you to feel good.

Original poster

3menconudrum · 03/05/2011 16:18

Woah.. hang on a second. I appreciate your input but I would like to point out that I do have self esteem, I have a wide network of friend and family and enough hobbies and interests to keep me happy without a man, as I said I don't go searching, Man 1 was introduced by a friend and it spiralled, but yes your right I should stop shagging him, I am happy enough by myself but it doesn't mean if the right person came along I wouldn't go for it. I am aware that Man 1 isn't obviously the right person.

OP posts:

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange · 03/05/2011 16:22

Aren't you number 1's, number 2? Iygwim.

Number three tell him one final time to leavebyou alone or you will show his girlfriend everything he has sent you.

Original poster

3menconudrum · 03/05/2011 16:24

Yes that is a good point I am numbers 1's number 2, although to be fair I ma not shagging number 2 nor discussing personal things with him, I don't even hug or give him any affection. Man 1 gives me tons, discusses his inner most thoughts/fears/wishes with me. Maybe he is just an arse?

OP posts:

Original poster

3menconudrum · 03/05/2011 16:27

Actually I take that back, he in't an arse he has never been anything other than honest with me, I am the arse for letting myself get attached.

OP posts:

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