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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

would u mind ur dh chatting to women on internet

54 replies

mopsera · 02/05/2011 18:35

or not?...if he is pretending to be single so that they talk to him ( he says they wont chat otherwise ) or is there always a hidden agenda to look for someone 'better' ?

OP posts:
spidookly · 03/05/2011 18:47

So he gets a kick from lying to vulnerable and lonely women?

He offers them hope of a romantic relationship so he can get off on their feelings of optimism and gratitude?

He sounds like a really nasty piece of work.

He's found a vulnerable woman he can manipulate in you too, by the sounds of things.

You won't dump him, that much is clear. But god, you really, really should.

ChristinedePizan · 03/05/2011 18:49

You married a cock I'm afraid. He's treating you and them like crap to massive his teeny tiny ego. Ditch the saddo

ChristinedePizan · 03/05/2011 18:50

aargh massage not massive

AnyFucker · 03/05/2011 19:21

yes, my first thought too

he thinks he is a player, but really he is a saddo, truly

can't you find a betterman than this OP ? ffs, there are millions of them out there

this one is defective

FabbyChic · 03/05/2011 19:24

AF you are a classic gem! your posts make me smile. Welcome back hope you had a good weekend.

AnyFucker · 03/05/2011 19:27

oo thanks, fabby x

SugarPasteFrog · 03/05/2011 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 03/05/2011 19:35

ta, spf

Peter will live another day, I promise Smile

WiiUnfit · 03/05/2011 19:59

mops do you really need to ask this??

I think you need to ask yourself the real reason why he is pretending to be single. I personally don't think it's because women won't chat otherwise, I think it's so he can act single for himself, to attract them.

Please don't be a doormat to this. How would he like it if you were pretending to be single chatting to other men???

AnyFucker · 03/05/2011 20:16

perhaps mops does chat up men online, after deceiving them that she is single

do you, mops ?

sauce for the goose 'n' all that, innit

does your DH have a webcam, btw ?

have you checked online phone billing ?

LostInTransmogrification · 03/05/2011 20:25

Hell yes, I would be totally raging at this!

He has to pretend to be single so that he can help vulnerable women online? What a knob! Are there no men with problems he could help then?

MNHQ, can we have a giant knob emoticon please?

MadameOvary · 03/05/2011 21:21

Go online as the female equivalent.
After all, there must be plenty of blokes out there who need a sympathetic, non-sexual, friendly ear eh?
See how acceptable he finds it...

spidookly · 04/05/2011 01:25

:o

Can we please have one? Just for a practice, until it gets too silly?

Imagine what the lifestyle sections would make of that! :o

DeeCeeDee · 04/05/2011 01:38

looking for cheap thrills from other women, pretending to be single whilst married..oh dear. He is taking you for a fool. He's a counsellor for depressed women yet he is always falling out with people/has no friends? umm..do you not see the irony here?! I wont say leave him straight away as life isnt always as easy and clear cut as that, but I think you will find in the end youll feel you have no choice but to leave. The mind is a funny thing..men and women get into each other's minds via internet way before they even meet..(and meet they will one day, even if they tell you differently; curiosity becomes too much)..then its a meeting of minds and all that entails. Good luck if you feel you can put up with it but making excuses for him wont make it any less hurtful if it all becomes to much. And if he talks to that many women online (how much time do you actually spend together if he has time to be an online counsellor in this way) then, whats to say he wont leave you? if thats his game he isnt exactly spoiled for choice is he. Just be careful..

Original poster
mopsera · 04/05/2011 02:11

well....yes i know other chat does go on and im not happy about it but i know too he's the sort of man who will always be attracted to other women;his dad was far worse and actually had affairs that his mum knew about...he even jokes about it still sometimes ( they are divorced but pals )

i know though that in relationships ( from his 2 ex's ) he is long term and loyal so i know he wouldnt actually 'do' anything; its just something restless in him and he's quite a restless person.But yes anyfucker i have decided to be ok with it i was just curiuos if/how other ppl would accomadate this in thier rel. as he thinks its perfectly ok....

OP posts:
PurpleOne · 04/05/2011 02:52

and you find this 'acceptable', do you mopsera?

'the sort of man'?

wow, you really need to wind in those boundaries a little, he is taking the utter piss out of you.

AnyFucker · 04/05/2011 07:12

then you have your answer, mops

everybody else on this thread has said it is not acceptable in a monogamous relationship and that they would not tolerate it

you haven't answered the question about how he would react if you were doign the same thing, btw

what a shame you are prepared to overlook it just to keep a man

he must be utterly wonderful in every other way, and you must have had some very damaging lessons as a child about the roles of men and women, and learned somehow that holding on to a man at any emotional cost to yourself is just what women have to do

they don't

spidookly · 04/05/2011 07:46

I didn't say it wasn't acceptable in a monogamous relationship, I said it wasn't acceptable at all.

It's not his proclivity to infidelity that is the worst thing here, it's the deeply unpleasant way he treats women.

Anyone who trawls dating sites looking for people with problems so they can amuse themselves pretending to help them is a sick fucker.

DooinMeCleanin · 04/05/2011 07:52

Yes I would and I don't often mind much. He chats to lots of women on the internet, mostly work colleauges or old school friends. He even went on a date with one of them (I knew about it, it was their work do and she had just split up with her boyfriend all completely innocent).

He never pretends to be single. Why would he? And why he want to talk to women he doesn't know?

pickyourbrain · 04/05/2011 07:57

That's the difference dooinmecleanin Everyone talks to old friends and colleagues on line and to mind that would be a bit territorial. But OP's partner is doing something quite different.
I only hope mop that although you are being blaze on here... some of these responses will play on your mind and you will see that 45 posts later - no one would accept this.

If you have an open realionship (wouldnt be my choice but it works for some) and this behaviour is tolerated both ways that is different but you have avoided the question of whther it would be accepted for you to do the same as him...

Then there is the small matter of the women he is messing with... never mind the unfaithfulness and disloyalty to you, I wouldnt want anything to do with someone who did this to others.

He has learned this behaviour from his dad. Take a look at his mum and see if you fancy her life in years to come.

davidtennantsmistress · 04/05/2011 08:14

DP is quite or can be quite restless at times, but he doesn't feel the urge to log onto internet sites & shat up women - instead he goes out for a long walk with a thermos & the dog.

not all men are shits like this.

Grumpla · 04/05/2011 08:38

He sounds like a right creepy bastard to me. Getting off on lying to damaged women? That is just NOT a character trait I find attractive or even acceptable and I think you might find this is one of the reasons he has no friends.

Jux · 04/05/2011 09:38

How would he feel if you were chatting online to men and pretending you were single? Sauce for the goose and all that.

AnyFucker · 04/05/2011 14:08

jux, mops appears unable to answer that question

or perhaps the answer to it is making her feel very uncomfortable...

you don't have to tolerate this, love

like spid said, he sounds unpleasant and a downright fuking nob to me, that is before thoughts of whether what he is doing to you is acceptable or not

SugarPasteFrog · 04/05/2011 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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