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Original poster

this is likely to be a bullshit line isnt it?

46 replies

bitofdust · 02/05/2011 16:57

the situation:

Man and i have strong feelings for each other, have told each other this, but nothing seems to happen. Either i back out or he does.

The reason i do is because im terrified i will end up heartbroken. Terrified.

Hes currently seeing somone else and ive questioned why, he said, becuase i wont see him and ( and this is the bit i think is a line) because its easier than seeing me. seeing me is scary because it means so much, and because i mean so much. She is easy, because it means nothing.

I told him i thought that was a bullshit line and he said then i really dont get men at all.

So?? bullshit line? or truth?

OP posts:
EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 02/05/2011 18:02

Why do people flirt? Maybe it makes him feel good that you're thinking about him. If he's been behaving like this for 2 years I would not assume that you're the only woman he's doing it with.

PaigeTurner · 02/05/2011 18:12

I know one of these. He likes the attention from you. Probably a bit of drama with the will-we-won't-we.

To be fair to him if you won't see him then he's every right to see someone else. But he's just buttering you up with the "it's easier to see her" line.

When you back off does he chase you harder by chance?

FreudianSlipper · 02/05/2011 18:17

it's bs

and there is a reason you are holding back, you are jsut not aware of it you will get hurt as he is not an honest person

Becaroooo · 02/05/2011 18:17

what a crock of shit

Original poster
bitofdust · 02/05/2011 18:18

yep. he does indeed.
When i back off he chases.

i know he has every right to see someone, i cant have a go at him about that.

I have questioned how he could be with somone else when he supposably has feelings for me and he said that i wouldnt see him ( true) and that he was trying to move on but cant be without me.

but i just cant believe that really. it IS bullshit isnt it.

OP posts:
superv1xen · 02/05/2011 18:20

BULLSHIT! get out fast. sorry.

PaigeTurner · 02/05/2011 19:07

These kind of people can really make you doubt yourself, I find. So charming, and if you do have feelings for them it makes it hard to believe they're nothing more than lying chancers.

Am in practically same boat myself except my bs merchant has been chasing me for 10 years. The result of which was my DS born last year (we are still not together). He's still feeding me 'maybe DS will bring us together' lines while seeing other people though. I am trying the "water off a duck's back" attitude at present. It's hard!

Are you going to cut it him off for good?

Anniegetyourgun · 02/05/2011 19:12

He's not waiting two years for a shag though, is he? He can afford to wait two years, or twenty years, for you when he's not missing out on anything in the meanwhile. In fact he's not really waiting for you at all. He's just keeping you on a string along with at least one other woman. It doesn't matter that he's not getting much out of it, because he's not putting that much into it either.

I'm willing to bet you're worth a lot more than that.

catchmeifyoucan · 02/05/2011 19:18

OP how do you intend/hope to start and maintain a relationship with anyone if you are so terrified? That's not a healthy way to go on I'm afraid.

mathanxiety · 02/05/2011 19:27

All that feelings stuff he is spouting is just words, tools to get him what he wants. He likes the challenge of the chase. Your fear of being hurt is at the forefront because your instincts are working well.

Why are you concerned? He doesn't like you or want you; he wants the drama. Drop him and forget about him.

HHLimbo · 02/05/2011 23:41

2 years, 1 date?!

who?

bleedingstill · 03/05/2011 00:35

I just had a horrible flashback to my single days when men would be disparaging about the woman they were seeing.

They ALWAYS ended up marrying her

zikes · 03/05/2011 08:47

I agree with Annie, he's not actually missing out on anything: he's with someone - and he also has you to boost his ego.

echt · 03/05/2011 09:26

What a colossal twat. Really. Kick him to the kerb.

FabbyChic · 03/05/2011 09:29

You have told him you will see him if he was single, yet he hasn't made himself single.

I think he is using you as a banker, so that if his relationship fails he can come to you and say hey I'm single now.

Would you like it if he were your boyfriend and had so much contact with another woman?

Why are you still in contact with a man that is to all intents and purposes unattainable?

oohlaalaa · 03/05/2011 09:35

Why not just tell him nothing will happen, until he finishes with person he is seeing.

CalamityKate · 03/05/2011 09:44

Yep - as Fabbychic says, you're the banker. He keeps you sweet just in case. Also, knowing you've got feelings for him boosts his ego no end. It's a game of skill to him; if you come on too strong he backs off, and then if YOU back off he comes chasing. Not because he wants you, but because he wants you THERE, on the end of the string, to reel in as and when he decides.

The word "player" is so accurate. It's literally what he's doing.

deardoctor · 03/05/2011 09:50

What letter does his name begin with? I think I had an angst ridden 'relationship' with him when I was in my early twenties Grin

This is what I wish someone would've told me then (to be fair they probably tried):

  • He is not your soulmate
  • You are never going to be his girlfriend
  • You are not even his friend
  • Stop talking to him and you'll have the head space to meet someone who is worth your time.
AKissIsNotAContract · 03/05/2011 10:31

When the right man comes along you won't be scared to get involved. You are scared for a reason, listen to your instincts.

madonnawhore · 03/05/2011 10:46

Everyone else has already said what I would say too.

The only other thing is: when it's really right, it's not this hard, it's easy and it all just works.

gawdblimey · 03/05/2011 16:25

sounds like he is saying you are much too hard work and its easier with someone else

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