He says he's changed and doesn't know if he wants me anymore

[spagbolmum]

Me and my husband split up a few months ago but after long talks we decided to give it another go. Things were going well, or so i thought but last nite he told me that he has changed and doesn't know what he wants anymore.
He says he loves me but doesn't know what he wants.
Were we wrong to give it another try i feel as if the last few months of me learning to trust him again and rebuilding our marriage were just a joke.
I feel like such a shit mother putting the kids thru all this again and if he decides it is me he wants do i accept that and carry on as normal again.........

I feel like such a shit mother putting the kids thru all this again and if he decides it is me he wants do i accept that and carry on as normal again.

No. You need to take charge of your life and realise you don't want him any more.

Why do you want to invest any more emotion in a man who makes
you feel bad and who thinks he can fob you off with "not knowing" which is a cowards way of saying "I don't want you but in too chicken to end it yet".

I'd say your assumptions about something happening at the "work night out" are spot on - if there ever was a works night out . As you don't know anyone at his workplace, you've only got his word that there was a night out with other colleagues and of course, only his word too that this woman was in a violent marriage. That could be a crock too...a handy excuse back in February when you rumbled the phone bill, for needing to text another woman 600 times in a month.

Like I said earlier, if he believed her to be in danger from a violent husband, would he really have compromised her safety by sending that many texts? Unfortunately, your trusting nature and your concern for another woman's safety stopped you from contacting her to find out. I wonder, did your H ever dissuade you from contacting her, along the lines that she would be in danger?

You should not feel that you were in any way a bad mother for trying to save your marriage. In fact, you suppressed all your suspicions and instincts in order to give them a stable home again. It is your husband's choice, not yours, to destabilise them yet again and that is unforgiveable.

Please tell him to go so that you can get on with your life. Don't allow this mental cruelty for a minute longer.

Hello OP: Please, please stop wondering what is going on in H's head, and start to focus on yourself. If "he chooses you" - what happens then? Please think carefully about that - about allowing this man who has let you down and caused you such anguish having the right to "choose". He hasn't. Please chuck him out. I promise you (did it nearly a week ago) you will feel better. It isn't easy, but my God it's better than the strain of trying to keep up a happy front. You owe it to yourself and your kids. Good luck.

Hi OP,

I sympathise, i found out a few weeks ago that my husband had cheated. Likewise we've practically grown up together and he's my best friend. I discovered hundreds of texts to my friend (yes yes theyre both f*ckers!) and he insisted and insisted that it was just a flirty, emotional thing due to her being unhappy in her marriage. It wasnt until I found a second phone that I discovered they were sleeping together and saying i love you etc.

after this he completely unravelled and it transpired he was off the rails in lots of ways - smoking dope, drinking etc. and was depressed.

I dont know how much of his awful behaviour can be attributed to his emotional issues and depression but he has sought help through the gp and counselling and we've been to relate.

What about both going to relate - who provide a service for people who are breaking up - how to do it, how to tell the kids etc. maybe if you did this with a trained third party you could find some truth and whats best for you?