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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

great relationship, no sex

11 replies

EveWasFramed72 · 02/05/2011 13:11

DH and I are compatible in every way, married nearly 6 years, together for 8. We are still goofy in love with each other, make each other laugh, and he is a perfect parenting partner to our two children 3 and 4. I'm happy with our life together, but our sex life has dwindled away to nothing, and though our marriage is strong, I do worry that this will have a detrimental effect somewhere down the line.

When we were first together, and first married, we were pretty typical in our lust for each other, and the sex was fabulous and frequent. It's still nice when it happens, but it's a bit predictable and quick, TBH. I know that the advice will be to just pounce on him and make some changes, the problem is that when we go a long time without, I feel almost shy about it when things start happening...so I rarely initiate it. So, though I want things to heat up between us with some regularity, I am not sure where to start.

This feels weird, like I should know what to do, but I'm just feeling at a loss, really. This pales in comparison to some of what you're all dealing with on here, but I really could use some advice!
Thanks.

OP posts:

buggerlugs82 · 02/05/2011 13:22

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This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

Original poster

EveWasFramed72 · 02/05/2011 13:32

No...good suggestions, buggerlugs!! I think the morning thing is the tough thing...that was always sort of the best time, but now that we have lovely DCs that wake up before 6 am, not ideal, you understand!

We've talked about it...I think like me, it gets so long in between that he starts to not 'care' about it anymore, so all we end up doing is talking about it, and not getting busy!

I do like the weekend away; we've not had very much time to ourselves recently, so I may have to give that one a try...

OP posts:

Malificence · 02/05/2011 14:15

It actually sounds like a pretty normal sex life for a couple with 2 under fives.
Like anything else though, it takes effort to make it good, it's unsurprising it's all over too quickly if you are only getting it on every few months - if you wanter better sex, you need to make it more regular, it's that simple. Make a point of having sex once a week and keep to it, any less than that and it will be too fast and lack the build up and full intimacy, that's why it feels weird when you do get around to it.

atswimtwolengths · 02/05/2011 14:17

What are your weekends like? What time does he/you come home from work on Friday evenings and what time are the children asleep?

Original poster

EveWasFramed72 · 02/05/2011 14:29

Thanks, Mal for saying it sounds normal...that actually made me feel better! I have thought about making a weekly date, as you suggested, but always felt like that would take the 'fun' out of it. But, thinking about it now, it's probably the way forward; it takes the spontenaity out of it, but at least it would be happening!

atswimtwolengths: weekends are relaxed, for the most part, but dcs get up really early, so I have a lie in on Sat, DH on Sunday. Our evenings are really ours...dcs in bed by 7:30, and we're both home around 5 on Friday nights. See?? We have no excuses, do we? :)

OP posts:

zikes · 02/05/2011 14:41

Try making Friday night date-night then. I wouldn't put pressure on by having to have sex, but at least to do something skin on skin, like a massage/bath together.

Malificence · 02/05/2011 15:00

I don't think that knowing when you are going to have sex takes the fun out of it, quite the reverse in fact.

FabbyChic · 02/05/2011 15:29

YOu need to make a pass at him! Cuddle up, snog on the sofa whilst watching a dvd. See where the snog leads you!

buggerlugs82 · 02/05/2011 15:39

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This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

pink4ever · 02/05/2011 15:48

I was in a similiar situation last year. Dh has gradually lost interest in sex(combination of 3 dcs,working very hard and putting on weight-that goes for both of us).
I decided to try and make more of an effort to be sexy(bought naughty underwear,role-play stuff,toys etc). Also enjoyed watching porn together(know this is not everyones cup of tea). Also tried to make dh understand that him not being interested in a sexual relationship was making me feel unloved and rejected.
Things have improved a little-still not having anywhere near the amount of sex I would like but I know dh is making more of an effort.

Original poster

EveWasFramed72 · 03/05/2011 19:02

You have all given great advice, thank you. I'm not the type to kiss and tell, so I won't keep you updated, but you've given me the shove in the behind I probably needed.!

OP posts:

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