keeping DH happy without sex

[Worrier]

This is a difficult one to post but ... Here we go.

For medical reasons I can't have intercourse atm, since about 4 months ago. As well as that, DH is looking after me, and having a fairly stressful time at work.
we have 'petted' a few times, but I have trouble getting comfortable, and mutual masturbation isnt as satisfying, certainly for me.

I'm frightened that DH, although understanding, will get tired of waiting, we don't know when this situation will resolve. Or even that once I am able again, he will have stopped having sexual feelings for me. He certainly has stopped showing any romantic feelings in the last couple of weeks.

Can anyone give me any hope. How can I revive my relationship thru this. I am really down.

Pardon me but I am frankly amazed there are married people with toddlers out there who are even THINKING about having sex

jasper not just thinking but doing the deed also

Brag, Brag Brag Doormat! I think about it, we just don't do it enough!!!! Seriously, about the BJ thing, if worrier isn't comfortable, her DH will probably sense that on some level, don't you think? I am so frigging sensitive that I project that everyone else is too so maybe I am way off on this one.

oi sunchowder I havent had sex for about 10 days now, cant be arsedI would rather eat chocs

Look back at other mumsnet postings about "sex lives/non sex lives". If you dh loves you he will wait for full sex-there are loads of other things you/he can do. IMO even having time to sit down/snuggles and sleep at the same time when you have little ones is an achievement. If you're lucky and the kids sleep well, try massage and then lead on to other things. BJ's don't have to be a major thing-like someone else said, if you are clever and use hands and mouth togeher, (more hands than mouth IYKWIM), then it can be great for him and not too bad for you. It doesn't matter how good/bad you are at anything, the fact that you and him are trying to have a sexual relationship shows that you both care about each other and are trying hard to please one another. He may or may not feel able to discuss it with you without feeling guilty (am I a bad Dh talking about sex when she can't) and doesn't want to seem insensitive but probably is downright r...y and needs luurving! Talk to each other, have a laugh about it and agree to disagree. If nothing else, have a cuddle and see where it leads. It might be all night loving or even justa good bight's sleep, but hey, either way can't be bad?! LOL

Love, compliments, flattery are all good. I just don't buy the idea that men stray because their loving wife has a broken hip. I think men stray because they don't feel listened to, are ignored or aren't fancied (same as women really). If you keep talking to your dh (including saying that you miss sex and feel sad you can't have it) and are nice to him, I don't think infidelity should come into this discussion at all.

thanks everyone,

We got a bit cosy last night, I made myself make the effort. Problem is I don't feel very sexual right now, frightened of turning or something and doing damage. Can't face anymore setbacks.

Anyway, got a bit cosy and I think he was pleased (god this is soo difficult to discuss). He certainly slept better last night, and is more luvvy this morning.

My mother's coming to visit for 3 days today, so he'll go off a bit, but at least we did something.

a bit happier today then

Hi, I have a great tip from a friend who has been off sex for a long time and thought she would try some vitamin supplements. The health food shop suggested someting called 'Horny Goats Weed' - I know this sounds like a joke but I'm serious! And she said it was fantastic and really got her going....

Jasper - Have to say I agree I find that having 2 toddlers and a job does not give me time to even think about sex let alone do it

crystalgazer - glad I am not too abnormal