I have been thinking about starting this thread for weeks, but keep chickening out. I don't know why. But anyway.
DH and I have been together for years, since childhood. We have 2 DC, 3 and 5. Before the children were born we muddled along doing most stuff mutually and all was good.
After our eldest was born I stopped working and became a SAHM and hence took over the bulk of the housework (bulk, hah, I obviously mean all of it)
I went back to work recently, and the job I have involves a lot of work coming home so I have to work for at least an hour a night eveyr night, this won't last, it is just to set myself up with this work. (dont want to give more detail as it will out me)
DH has very stressful job which he hates, but we need the money, my work does not pay enough yet.
To the point though, today I was thinking, what does he actually do for me? And I couldn't think of a single reason apart from 'pays the bills'
I do 90% of the cooking, he washes up maybe once or twice a week, but never puts it away. He only washes his own clothes, I do mine and the DC's. He has just put a wash on, and there was a wet wash in the machine, so he has put it on the kitchen floor for me to deal with, Wouldn't even cross his mind to do anything with it.
He has never bathed the DC. Ever. It hurts his back. He does not have back problems. I do.
If we are both home it is sort of assumed that I will do the drudgery stuff. bedtime? I'll do it as he just turns telly up.
He has been off over the holidays but it's down to me to take the DC out if he offers to take them out they go to a coffee shop or a shop and then home. He never takes them to the park. Or the beach, Or fucking anywhere.
Houseowkr doesn't get done. I have no time for it, neither does he. I hate it and the house is a pit, but he bitches about it the whole fucking time, how he has nowhere to put his stuff, or the mess is 'doing his head in' but he wouldn't actually do anything about it.
He is meant to be doing some DIY atm, but he drank too much last night so spent all morning asleep, then we had to go out, and when we got back he exchanged maybe 2 words with me and then fecked off on his bike for 2 hours. NO idea how long he was going to be so I had to start tea without him.
I was building a playhouse thing for the girls today. I don't mind doing it, was fun, but I needed a spanner, so I asked him if I could borrow one of his. His immediate answer was 'No. What do you want a spanner for?' then grudgingly lent me one, and reminded me to put it back when I had finished and not ruin it. A fucking spanner?
In his garage currently are a washing up bowl, a sieve, and a stainless steel milk steamer jug thing that are all filled with oil/brake fluid whatever, oh, and about 5 teatowels that migrated out there and he hasn't brought back in ye, and yet he wants me to put stuff back?
I am so angry with him, but if I say anything he will get defensive and stroppy and then go out. I can't cope with shouting or arguments because of my childhood so I instantly back down. I can't stop myself. I also feel bad for him as he lost someone very close to him over a long protracted illness last year, and although he says he is over it, I am not sure, so I am giving him 'leeway' all the time, but how is that fair on me?
I truly can't go on like this. I am tidying my bedroom right now because he is in a snit at the mess. FFS. I am so pathetic.
I darent even read this back because it is so long and I will cry. I have no idea what to do to get him to start helping again. I know how it got like this, but he seems ot think that ad hoc doing stuff once in a while is ok, when it fucking isn't. I have tried to tell him I am not coping and nothing changes.
Any advice is welcome. Even a kcik up the arse
(I may not be back posting tonight but I will read. thanks)