Basically H is leaving me (we have dd's aged 8 and 2) - things have been up and down for years and he's threatened to leave several times in the past (once because apparantly I don't always shut doors 
).
I always promised that the next time I'd let him as he can be very difficult around these times but when it came he'd tell me that it was all my fault that he was being upset/angry, that I'd done this and that and I should know by now that not shutting doors/phoning him to find out what time he'd be home.... annoys him and I'd end up feeling awful and saying sorry and making promises and then being the perfect stepford wife for a few weeks before the frustration started seeping out.
He can be a lovely person (which is the side that most people see) and the kids love him as he's fun and patient with them. He's a great dad in fact (although a couple of my friends have commented that it's all on his terms as for example he NEVER gets up with the kids unless I'm not there). Howvere, he's out a lot - 3 times a week he goes to footy after work and doesn't come back 'til after midnight, then there's the season ticket, the stag do's...
As I say things have been bad for a while he made me sleep in the spare room a few months ago ('cos after him being away skiing without us for a week I phpned him up when he was at the pub to say it'd be nice if he could come home so we could see him - I meant it but he took it that I was nagging him 
) and he's been pretty unpleasant to live with constantly picking on ANYTHING I say - arguing and shouting at me including in front of the kids. Again he tells me this is my fault and something he doesn't want to do .....
I'm obviously no angel - (I've been watching the 'am I an abuser' thread with interest). He works full time, I work 3 days and look after the 2 year old the rest of the time - I also do the school pick ups whcih means I have to make up my work in the eveinings. I do all the washing, shopping, cooking, sorting out of finances, kids stuff, get up with the kids ....... One of his complaints is that I have implied that he's lazy and that I've done this in front of friends (I admit I have made those 'men' kind of comments). I can get absorbed in my work (often 'cos I struggle to get it done between all the looking after the kids) but I'm sick of all the 'you only work 3 days comments'
Even so - I was hoing that we'd be able to go to counselling again (we were sacked from relate last time - he'squite argumentative 
but we did manage to sort things out a lot and had dd2)
Sorry - this is turning into a rant but it feels good to write it all down.
Basically a few weeks ago he said he wanted a separation. He was prepared to leave (because he can't buy me out) but that he wanted half the equilty of the house and the kids half the time. For days he kept hassling me about which days we'd have the kids which was really upsetting - he backed off this a bit I think he may have heard me sobbing in the middle of the night
Now it's the money. A week or so after he told me he wanted to leave I was away with the kids and he went to see houses and put in an offer on one which was bit of a shock as I suppose I had still hoped it would work out. He basically said I need the money ASAP. I have some inherited shares which may cover half the equity in house, I'll probably need to increase the mortgage a bit. I saw a financial advisor last week and that evening he came into my room at 11.30 after being in the pub and said well? I said could we talk about this another time as I was trying to sleep? No! So I said the advisor had taken the information away and would get back to me which he didn't believe. In the end he went away but I was made to feel awful that I couldn't let him know.
The house he's seen does look lovely and would be great for the kids, near the park and DD1's best friend (I'm almost envious!) so I do wnat to help him get it, it's just he's being so demanding. He probably is being fair in what he's asking for as I do have more assets than him (although he hasn't considered his greater earning power/pension/share of his friends business that he has ....).
I want to speak to my parents about all this as the shares my Granny left me are in a family company (well one set up by great, great grandpa although family no longer ...). I don't want to sell them without speaking to them plus I just want to talk it over. He's adamant that I shouldn't tell anyone. My parents are 1.5 hours away so it wouldn't be easy for me to go and see them without him knowing. I don't want to upset him as I really feel if we can do this amicably it's better for the kids.
I guess after this HUGE rant (and thank you sooo much if you've made it to the end) is should I stand up to him on this... actually that sounds like a ridiculous question after all of this writing!!
Any advice on trying to make the separation easier for the kids, more amicable... would be much appreciated.