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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

"if love is a dream then marriage is a nightmare"

16 replies

wanttobefree · 30/04/2011 22:48

I saw this in a newspaper today and it amused me, a quote from Joan Collins...
in my case I am "unhappily married"...but I don't think I would ever have been happily married because I don't really want to spend my whole life with another person.
I think marriage is unrealistic and outmoded... in particular it doesn't suit most women and is a never ending compromise...
it has no place in a post feminist society..

OP posts:
hmc · 30/04/2011 22:53

Marriage doesn't really suit me either - but its the line of least resistance and doesn't make me activily unhappy so I'll stick with it (am comfortably well off, the dc love their father etc)

bejeezus · 30/04/2011 22:54

i am just ending an abusive marriage, so my view is a bit kift...but I have quite often thought that most of the married couples I know are at least discontented, if not down-right unhappy.

it reminds me of a quote, I heard some-where;
'just because men and womens genitalia fit together nicely, doesnt mean they are supposed to spend the rest of their lifes together'!

i quite like a tribal approach where men and women get together to reproduce but otherwise all the women spend their time together, doing chores and chatting; and the men are together .......? Confused Hmm...counting their toes?

hmc · 30/04/2011 22:57

Oh god me too bejeezus! - would happily live in a commune of women with adjacent, private 'fornication chambers' where you can retire with a suitable man for jiggery pokery, but then after the deed you kick him into touch and you don't have to pick up his pants and launder them in the morning

Original poster
wanttobefree · 30/04/2011 22:58

yes
I had best friends at school...I adored them but I still didn't want to live with them everyday for the rest of my life and share all my belongings with them!!

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Original poster
wanttobefree · 30/04/2011 23:05

that would be good bejeezus... you could just choose the best man for his genes without being stuck with the wrong guy or as you say getting caught up in their laundry...wtf do we do their laundry anyway ?

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bleedingstill · 01/05/2011 00:31

I don't get marriage really. Seems just to be a legal stick to beat someone with / get beaten with if you split up. If you don't split up, why marry?

Original poster
wanttobefree · 01/05/2011 08:59

the trouble is, if you are a good/nice person, try to make things work and make a nice family life for everyone else...suddenly you wake up one day like me, realise you've been taken advantage of and treated like crap...and you have to extricate yourself...

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Anniegetyourgun · 01/05/2011 09:07

Well I used to do XH's laundry because if I didn't he would wear the same dirty clothes until they were completely unwearable, then chuck them out in the garden (!) and borrow mine. You'd be sure I was exaggerating to a ridiculous degree if I told you about some of his habits - I swear I'm not. But I had to stick with it for ever because I'd made a promise, in church, in front of witnesses, right?

Wrong actually Grin

Original poster
wanttobefree · 01/05/2011 09:14

they tricked us !!
and what family expected...

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cathkidstonbag · 01/05/2011 09:39

It's all a crock of s**t as far as I'm concerned. If only I had known how things would turn out, I would have actually done something with my life :(

Original poster
wanttobefree · 01/05/2011 09:52

omg...I really feel your pain Sad

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Original poster
wanttobefree · 01/05/2011 09:55

the problem is when you had a good relationship with an excellent father and brothers as I did, its difficult to foresee how other people[not so bright not such high standards of behaviour] will behave....even when you have been together a long time before marriage...it wasn't until I was well and truly trapped he showed his true colours

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cathkidstonbag · 01/05/2011 10:01

wanttobefree- opposite here, no father, abusive stepfather, brother who was the golden child. My standards in men were so low it's a wonder I did as well as I did!!!

Original poster
wanttobefree · 01/05/2011 10:08

maybe it works both ways then...in my case he was very much on his best behaviour to get me, I had a couple of inklings which I should have followed..at the very least I have been unhappy and had no support, at the worst he has undermined me in every area and caused me to lose faith in my own judgement..

OP posts:
Adversecamber · 01/05/2011 11:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
wanttobefree · 01/05/2011 12:24

the only reason marriage was promoted in a patriarchal society was so that women would look after the children and men would earn money and men would be looked after instead of having to look after the house and their washing etc themselves
It dates from when men were more important and women second class citizens.

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