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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Are you good at faking it? Marriage I mean.

3 replies

FakingHappy · 30/04/2011 22:32

Married to DH for 11 years 3 kids.
DH is hard working and adores us all.
Unfortunately, he is irratating and annoying the hell out of me.

I love him, like a brother not a lover anymore.
He tells me 100 times a day how much he loves and fancies me, he's always touching me intimately but continuously looks for meaning in the things I say or how I physically demonstrate my affections. He lacks emotional confidence.
He smokes marajuana gives up on occasion but always falls off the wagon.
Lately he talks over me, accuses me of stuff, but does not give me the opportunity to speak.
We don't row often but last night had a blazing row, he left slamming the front door.
Cue crying from upstairs, my son had heard us rowing and was destressed by it, said it sounded like we were gonna 'have a divorce'.
It broke my heart.
So as DH is niether evil, nor nasty and provides for us, do/would you fake the happy contented wife for the sake of ALL your family?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 30/04/2011 22:39

I wouldnt fake it. You only get one life, why spend it living a lie. Be honest with him (and yourself).

Perhaps if he was to completely stay off the weed (which does often cause paranoia and mood swings, as well as pathetic ramblings and declarations of love) you might regain the respect and feelings you once had for him.

I can see the situation getting worse unless you both deal with it, with clear heads, and if he isnt willing to make a proper effort and you do split up, the kids will cope. No kids want their parents to split, but in the long run it is more beneficial for them to see two happy separated parents than live with two fighting and resentful parents who feel trapped.

Your kids grow up and leave home, and then its just the two of you, and if you dont like each other, then it aint much fun. Staying together for the sake of the kids is doing nobody any favours.

LittleEasterHouse · 30/04/2011 22:39

No
It was making me mean and resentful living with someone I didn't love or respect so I left.
Life is too short to waste it being unhappy

Lambskin · 30/04/2011 23:25

Surely there's a middle way.

There have been times when I've felt exactly the same way about my dh but I've always cared about him as a person and I'm sure I'm no picnic to live with sometimes.

Could you pack the kids away with grandparents or something and have a heart to heart? This could mean brutal honesty at first but may result in new found respect/friendship and build on from there.

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