I have written threads about my mother before (probably in a different name), about her grumpiness and sulking and paranoia. Even when she is plainly wrong she always seems to get right under my skin and make me feel terrible.
Today whilst taking her to the supermarket she made a comment about me being materialistic (said in a jokey tone). Now I have buttoned my lip on many many occasions in the past when she has made comments in my home or about DD, usually in the vein of 'not another X' or 'not more presents'. This time though I couldn't bite my tongue and asked her if she really thought I was materialistic to which she replied yes that I tried to keep up with the neighbours. I was taken aback by this and said something in my defence to the effect that if you've got money why shouldn't you spend it and enjoy yourself. I still felt quite upset about this and couldn't shake it off when going round the supermarket. So when we came out I told her (in the gentlest way I could) that I was upset by what she said. She then rounded on me that she was upset too about my response regarding not spending her money (she saves all her money and gives it away rather than spend it on anything). I apologised for saying this and that it was said in haste as I was feeling defensive about her comments. She then started getting all huffy, saying I was in a bad mood she knew I was in a bad mood when I came over to take her shopping, I didn't want to take her shopping (Oh yeah the paranoia, if anyone happens to be still reading, this was my last moan here). I kept calm and said I hadn't been in a bad mood and that I was just a bit upset that she saw me as materialistic and keep up with the joneses. She then said I don't want to argue, I feel terrible all the time, nobody knows how terrible I feel, I put on a show etc etc
At this point I said, look, I was upset by what you said and I just wanted to tell you, I'm sorry if my response offended you but that's the end of it now. So we sat in the car with lost of sighing coming from her, I dropped her off and left as I had to be somewhere else soon. Now I have a headache and cannot forget about it. In the past I have been accused of being insensitive, that I don't want to see her (went away for a few days to visit relatives) etc etc. It is all rubbish and I don't know how not to let it get to me. Anyone? (She is late 70s and totally dependent on me, my brother lives abroad) In her defence she is often nice in between the mad episodes.
By the way I do not believe I am particularly materialistic. I live in a mid terrace, we have 2 cars about 10 years old each, I do not buy expensive clothes or jewellery, we have old furniture (or if new Ikea), we don't have a tumble dryer, dishwasher, large screen TV etc. OK we are not poor like the majority of the world but by todays standards in the uk we are not materialistic and our neighbours have less than us so we don't have to keep up with them!
She comes over weekly and I will be seeing her tomorrow and the atmosphere will be tense and fraught. I really don't know how to not let her get to me. Thanks to anyone reading this far, at least I have managed to get some of it off my chest!