just found out ex is getting married in 2 weeks. My son not invited.

[bananasinpyjamas]

I found out this morning via his daughters facebook page that my ex is getting married in 2 weeks. My ds was diagnosed with cancer in Aug, we split in Sept (on his request), He got engaged in Nov, I moved out family home with my son in Jan.
How on earth am I expected to deal with all this.
Feel absolutely shit.
He's not involved or invited my ds to the wedding. My ds is 7 and also autistic.
Havn't even had any maintenance from him yet.
What a dick.
Am soooo angry.

I know it appears hard and it is when someone else is moving on and you are still left with all the shit to deal with.

Sort the mainteanance out via the CSA if he will not voluntarily give you any.

Try to think of this as him being someone elses problem now and not yours.

Oh bananas, that's awful. I don't know what to say. That is such a shitty thing to do. He is obviously not a nice person and you and your lo are better off without him.

thats alot on your plate to deal with......do you have some support

reading your post my first thought was 'things can only get better for this poor poster'!!!

Well it can't get any worse I hope.
We were together for 13 years. All thrown back in my face big time.
The only consolation is thank god I'm rid of him. Just wish I didn't have to see him ever again but trying to do the right thing by my ds for regular contact.
Grrrrr

I wouldn't tell your son that his dad has remarried. Would he know otherwise? He's only young and it wouldn't normally occur to a child, would it?

Have to say, sorry, he (the ex) sounds absolutely disgusting, leaving when his son has cancer and not even paying maintenance. His girlfriend, too, sounds equally bad. I could not love or respect a man who'd done that.

No my ds wouldn't know otherwise so I think you're right its best not to tell him. I've always taken the attitude that it is up to me and his dad to make sure ds is involved as much as possible in everything that is going on and that this is how he is going to understand the world. He is autistic but quite a clever boy and loves his family hence the gritted teeth to keep up regular contact.
He works in mental health and she is an aid worker, you really would have thought they would be more compassionate to ds. I accept that he doesn't tell me. Think its wrong and shit but he has well and truly moved on so I just need to work out what to do with my feelings about it all.
His behaviour towards ds though is truly unacceptable. I think his other 2 children from previous marriage are going just not the one in greatest need.
Am hoping karma will play its part somewhere.

Oh I think karma will oblige.

Not least because someone who runs out on his sick child one month and is engaged the next must be, at some level, the epitome of selfishness.

So presumably that selfishness and attendant cruel streak will at some point ruin his new life/relationship too. I would be astonished at his girlfriend's naivety, but presumably if they got engaged so quickly after your split they were seeing one another prior to it, so it's quite likely that they're equally self-obsessed and selfish. They deserve each other.

The likelihood is that by the time he starts treating his new relationship with the contempt he's shown elsewhere, you will have moved on and be enjoying life, and will end up pitying them both.

You are so, so lucky not to have ended up spending the rest of your life with a weasel like this.

While you and your DS were faced with this dreadful news and the prospect of a long difficult time ahead, he was getting his head turned like a loved-up teenager. And that took priority for him.

Any father worthy of the title would have had all thoughts of new relationships, getting engaged, etc. fly out of his head the moment you heard the news, new life plans instantly put on hold. He is beyond disgusting.

Are his other children much older? Presumably due to your ds's age he would have to liaise with you to have him at the wedding... he may be telling himself different, but it will be partly SHAME that will have kept him from doing that, and kept the wedding from you and DS.

Pity him. His biggest punishment is having to live with being the person he is. Ugh.

Oh, and I can guarantee you that not only will everyone that knows the situation be disgusted at him, even if privately, they will also have scant respect for the seriousness of a wedding which happens right in the wake of such a mess. He's making a fool of himself, basically, even more so she. Wow, 'engaged' eight weeks after walking out on his sick child, and married just a few months after that! They must be soulmates.

Good luck, you will get stronger for this, you will move on, you will look back and be relieved and delighted one day that your happiness has nothing to do with him.

I hope your DS's treatment is going well and that he will soon be on the road to recovery.

Thankyou shoutyhamster, I have read your post a few times now and you do get it. I couldn't have put it better. I will keep your post and read it again. Thank-you!! I feel much better for that. xx

Your wonderful DS is much better spending time with his loving mum than bored at the wedding of someone who abandoned him and doesn't deserve to be called a father.

I am sure you can sleep well at night and look at yourself on the mirror with pride every day. Your ex-DP could never aspire to that. Let him enjoy his wedding, there are tough and well-deserved times to come for him in the future.

By the way, congratulations for the amazing mum you are :).