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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Problem step children

11 replies

Chattex · 30/04/2011 10:55

It has been 6 years. I played no part in the marriage break up. They are 21, 25 and 28. I have made their father happy. I have suffered their abuse for years and I cannot imagine them in my future. My dd has suffered terribly over the years. When I tell dp the pain he washes over it. I has been too long. They have crapped on their own father's happiness at finding me.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 30/04/2011 10:57

YOu can't make people like you unfortunately, all you can do is distance yourself from them you have no idea what their mother had told them, probably a pack of lies.

They are old enough and ugly enough to be adults about the situation.

Just be happy with your partner and ignore his children.

da55 · 30/04/2011 11:27

dnt worry if youve done nothing wrong just dnt get involve

greencaveman · 30/04/2011 11:34

Presumably none of them live with you? How much do you see them?

Personally, I think you should not bother going for a proper relationship with them now. I would instead be polite and keep the peace. If you stop wanting a relationship with them and just accept them as relatives that you have to see sometimes, then you won't feel so hurt emotionally.

Marriage breakups are extremely painful (presumably it happened when they were teens). I'm not really surprised that they are still feeling it, but they shouldn't be taking it out on you

Original poster
Chattex · 30/04/2011 12:01

thanks for calm, measured advice.

OP posts:
waterrat · 30/04/2011 12:22

try step parents thread too...although with them being that age, I'm afraid I would have to ask why their father is allowing them to be rude. They are adults - their hurt feelings are absolutely not a reason for being rude to you. The one you are in a relationship with is him - why is he not making it clear it's unacceptable?

Original poster
Chattex · 30/04/2011 12:46

Thanks all. Thanks for step parents head up waterrat. Given that they have shunned me for 6 years I sort of just want to avoid the weddings and hope they settle down. Yes, do need to discuss it but he has not being supportive. Feel most aggrieved that dc have suffered over the last 6 years (shunning is abuse when you are the receiving end.)

OP posts:
Original poster
Chattex · 30/04/2011 12:51

They don't live with us. They are living independently.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chattex · 30/04/2011 13:07

The youngest was 14 when we met. I understand that they didn't like their father being happy with any other but it has been 5 3/4 long years. I feel crippled by the the years of exclusion. Thanks all.

OP posts:
ChaoticAngelQueenofAnarchy · 30/04/2011 14:24

The real problem here is your DP. He should be making it clear to his DC that their treatment of you is unacceptable.

atswimtwolengths · 30/04/2011 14:46

Are you happy with your partner? Are your children happy with him?

atswimtwolengths · 30/04/2011 14:47

Just reading this again.

I wouldn't let my daughter be in a position where she could get hurt, so in your situation I would leave him.

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