if i wanted to leave dh,,,,,,,,,,,

[aloneonnovfifth]

right now, where could i go?

i have no friends who i could ask to put me up. no family either. no money . he isnt physically abusive. and i dont want to take the children with me. i just want some time away so he realises i am not justa worthless piece of pondscum he has to put up with.
but how long is that? a day? i dont think so. a week? the kids would be miserable. a month? he wouldnt let me come back.

i also have no job.

I would think a night (and the following day) would get through to him your message - but could you do that to your children too?

i dont know

If this is how you feel alone, I don't think leaving for a chunk of time is the answer. Isn't there something else? Have you talked to him? Considered marriage guidance?

I frequently want time away, but I find talking about it with dh usually defuses the situation. Sounds like you have some grievances that really need talking about.

done all that tillykins. im a regular poster. not sure why i changed my name for htis.
a night at the hilton will cost me 75 poounds. if it actually worked, then i dont mind the cost. but will it work on him? or is it only likely to affect the kids???

lm, he doesnt do talking. he does yelling at me. and i do either yelling back. or crying. usually a mixture. he blames me for everything under the sun.

I've has this kind of felling too from time to time - I think we all have, if we're honest.
Even an afternoon in the shops and cinema afterwards might do you some goo. And talk to your dh about this.
good luck
xx

Don't know - I think its a risky plan to gain somthing that you might not get, IYSWIM
But if you are going to do it, do it cheaper than the hilton!

How old are the children? If very young, they might not notice you have done anything odd, if older, you could explain what you are doing before you do it. If they are inbetween though - say aged 3 to 7 - I think you would upset them very much. Is it really worth it?

3,4,8. yes, i think i would end up upsetting only them. and it would just give hime even more ammunition.
but i cant stand life the way it is at the moment either. last week i lost it at the kids. yesterday we had a huge screaming row. today as well. and right now the kids bunkbed is sat their in bits. he is going on and on. i dont want to face him. i just want to disappear, and have the earth swallow me up.
i think i am turning into a titania

just wonderful isnt it, just when i really need frineds, noeone is online to chat to anymore, and no one is at home to talk to on the phone either.
im really wallowing in self pity now. even mumsnetters think i have a stupid plan. dh thinks everything i do is stupid. i dont earn a paycheck, so cant even see any financial reward.

don't know what to say, stitch.

if a day would really help then go away for a day. that won't upset the kids that much. But probably will give him more ammunition. otoh it might give you time to form some kind of long term plan.

Hey, I still speak to titania, and she sems to be doing really well right now. So don't give up hope that your life will come together again too.

I am sorry, but I really do think you will upset your children more than you will achieve anything else if you disappear for any length of time.

Why is the bunk bed in bits? Is this a job dh won't do? Can you try to put it together just to show him you can? (and to get out of his way). I am sorry I am not much good at solving your problems - I have enough of my own! - but I am here to talk if you want (just went to bath the children but am back now).

Stitch - no matter how bad things got, I would never ever leave my children behind!

I think you will end up hurting them and hurting yourself and your DH will only use it as another example of why he thinks you are pondscum.

DOn't do it - find a solution that keeps you and the kids together and lets you keep your pride and dignity!

I hope you work it out - although from your many threads on here - I doubt whether that will be with your DH unless you get some serious counselling help

thank you lm,soapbox,tillykins,sp and tv. feeling much calmer now. and not going anywhere either ! staying put!
the bunk bed dh bought two years ago, against my wishes. its in pieces coz i was moving it to the other room, and moving the double bed into the room that is/was the kids room. dh had gone out during the afternoon, and came back before i had reassembled it. and threw a fit. he knows i can assembel all the flat pack stuff. ive done most of the stuff in the house.
after chatting with you here, adn talking to my big sis on the phone, i have disassemled the double bed and moved it back into the oorginal room, where the bunkbed is also sitting in bits. the kids are sleeping on mattresses in their room. ill put the double back together tomorrow, or the day after. not sure about the bunk. will decide that later.
the current crisis seems to have passed. dh took the kids to see the fireworks, and is now watching pirates of the caribbean downstairs with ds1. i ws there too. but as i have seen it a gazillion times already, thought id come onto mn. lets see what tomorrow brings.

lm, im glad to hear titania is doing well. i remember ebing really worried about her.
is she still with her husband? is she pregnant?
give her my best wishes

Glad you are back. My dh is watching some ghastly DVD (lots of screams and dramatic music) so I am excluded from the sitting room where we have our first ever real fire burning away . Anyway, glad the immediate crisis is over. Perhaps tomorrow will bring more progress.

Yes she is still with her dh and is expecting a baby in early March. She sounds a lot happier and more together now. I believe she still lurks on Mumsnet sometimes but she is not allowed to post anymore.