What would you do?

[sunshine1986]

I did post this on parenting, but this may be a better place for this. My now ex bf cheated on me and i left him at 24 weeks pregnant (i'm now 35 weeks). Since I've left he has only texted me a couple of times and that was within thes first 2 days but nothing since. Now it's getting closer to my due date I'm just wondering what i should do? Would you contact him to tell him that you're in labour? Leave it until after the birth? Not bother at all as he doesn't seem bothered? He hasn't wasted anytime and is already engaged to this OW he cheated on me with. I've never met any of his family and I have no idea what he's told them about me/our break up. Would you try and contact them? Thanks for any thoughts/replies.

I've never been in that position, but from an inexperienced point of view I would saw forget about the twat, and concentrate on your new baby and your own happiness - congratulations!

Being a bitch my first contact would probably be the CSA demand for money.

If you are nicer than me you could just text that you have gone into labour and then it's a boy/girl, weight and time after.

That way you have a clear conscience and it is down to him to come back to you.

Don't go near his family now. You have no idea what he has told them, if he was self centered enough to be cheating on his pregnant partner you can bet the entire split is your fault if he has told any one anything. You do not need the stress in the last 6 weeks of your pregnancy just concentrate on you and bubs.

I agree with what the ever wise purple ^^ said.

Being a parent is a privilege. If he wants to be a dad, he will let you know. However, for maintenance purposes, at some point you will have to communicate with him, but for now you need to focus on yourself and the baby.

Good luck. :)

Ooh, yeah, definitely CSA for money. No matter what he might think, it takes two people to make a baby and, as you're going to be doing his parenting for him, the least he can do is pay you!

Loopy, ever wise? Really?

You broke up with him 11 weeks ago and he's already ENGAGED????

I wouldn't have anything to do with him other than via a lawyer, but that's just me. Tell him I was in labour? F*%& that! He could find out he'd become a father via the CSA.

See i'm doubting even going to the CSA as he hasn't got a job, is on the dole, but when we were together they kept on stopping his money. He would tell me they cocked up, but i really just think it's because he couldn't be arsed to turn up. He could have a job by now i suppose, but i really can't see it and i'm just wondering for what little i'd get from him, it prob isn't worth the hassle. Plus i have no idea where he lives, other than with his fiance and her kid.

I mean if he wants to get involved then I wouldn't deny that as it's not fair on our son, just i don't want this all coming back on me in a few months and me looking like a right bitch. I think he'd been cheating on me for a while, but no doubt he's told his family all sorts of crap, but at the same time they're still the grandparents.

It's laughable that he's already engaged and my best mate found out through facebook as i've already blocked and deleted him from everything. Part of me is actually glad as I'm hoping he just wont bother with me and then he won't let my son down either as he was always so unreliable when we were together.

I was in your position 15 years ago. I decided I wanted to be able to raise my child without the negative influence of my ex, so I focused on myself throughout the pg and birth. He had the opportunity to contact me afterwards but he didn't, so we have never had any contact since I left him and DS has never met his bio dad, I don't even know where he lives now.

I am relieved that I don't have to mess around with ex's games any more and that I was able to get through that period without having to deal with additional stress. I met a lovely DP when DS was three and we're now a secure family unit and DS is a well-adjusted teen, which I don't think would have been possible if we'd had to put up with the ex messing us about.

I wouldn't let him know when you are in labour but whenever you are ready I'd send a photo, vital stats and get in touch with the csa.

He sounds like a real catch - I can see why he has such success with women!

sunshine - your ex sounds like a prize twat and you don't owe him anything at all. Just look at it another way though. Every child wants to have a relationship with their dad. It may be that your ex doesn't want to play a part in his child's life but I think you should at least tell him when your child is born. Not for his sake but for your child's.

I was in the same position 12 years ago. I split up with my partner when I was pregnant, didn't see him for 6 months, but I did tell him when I went into labour.
I didn't expect him to play much of a part in her life but , to his credit, he has seen her regularly and they love each other. (I still can't stand the man, but that's another story!)

None of us know what will happen in the future but you can make sure that if your ex doesn't see your child, it's not for want of trying on your part.

I know, when i look back on it all i just think how thick was i and how much of a mug i was. I was the one pregnant, working full time, doing all the cooking and cleaning and looking after our pets and giving him all the money for rent and bills as we didnt have a shared bank account. Whilst he spent his days looking for work which probably meant shagging this other woman. Ah well, least i'm well rid! Just have to see how it goes i guess

Good attitude, sunshine

You have a whole new person to bring into the world and a whole new person to become yourself!

I think inform him after the birth, possibly also let his parents know as well, then the ball's in his/their court.