Husbands and work colleagues

[Podmog]

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TTC puts pressure on most couples, it sounds to me like your DH has got to the 'sperm machine' stage. By that I mean that he has begun to feel that sex has become mechanical. I think most men reach this stage becuase they don't have the same sort of feeling as we do when it comes to ttc (rarely anyway).

It sounds like you are making more of this woman at work than you need to, unless there is something you haven't told us here ? I understand that you would be a bit upset by him giving a colleague flowers and not you, but please don't dwell on it. We all become a little complacent in long term relationships.

It sounds to me like you need to sit down and talk about this together. Ask him what he wants and tell him what you want. It may be that you both have to compromise to work it out. For instance, I don't think it is unreasonable for him to ask that you add a little variety to the sex, and I certainly don't think you are being unreasonable for wanting a bit more romance/shows of affection.

Just wanted to bring this back into view so that all can see and post helpful advice....

We had a similar situation arise when DP's colleague returned to work after her maternity leave - even though we weren't ttc (and so didn't have those other, seperate but mixed-up issues) I found it a little hard to deal with.

As beetroot has said - he sounds like a great guy, so many blokes (even those with kids) don't realiose how dreadful those first few weeks back in the workplace can be. I was glad DP was helping this girl out, but wanted him to show the same consideration to me... In the end everything was ok, and I managed to let it go.

I guess at the end of the day when we are at work its easier to be thoughtful, giving, spend more quality time on MN etc than when we have squalling DD and Ds's competing for our attention, or when we are exausted having put them to bed...

but I would point out gently that you would rather have flowers than a mag! I say gently but I'm sure if it was me I'd be more forceful...

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I agree that it was thoughtful of your dh to get this woman flowers and in itself that it fine. But I would never allow my dh to give treats to other women if I am not being treated even more. I know this might sound daft but he might not even realise you would have liked some flowers. Tell him. If my dh did this I would say, 'I'm very proud of your for being so thoughtful to but I did feel a little hurt because I never get flowers from you, and it would mean a lot to me.

If my dh forgets the little romantic touches he finds me singing Barbra Streisand's 'You Don't Bring Me Flowers' in a melodramatic way. He can't take offence or call it nagging cos I do it humourously. It tends to open up a conversation! Then the flowers are forthcoming within a day or two.

They get too comfortable with their clothes washed and dinners ready and they forget even the dog needs a pat on the head occasionally

Great idea Janstar... I think if I try it DP migt actually put dates for flowers in his diary, as my singing is so awful

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If you don't like the idea of your lounge podmog, borrow someone elses

Don't worry sobernow, there are bound to be a few hags amongst the students ... roll on more mature students, eh?

Thanks for explaining that Dadslib... will pin your checklist to the noticeboard and see if DP relates to it..

Don't go there podmog - he'd be skulking around something chronic if he had something to hide, not buying her flowers!

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Whoops! Sorry - you don't really think that do you?

If so the issues are a lot bigger than we first thought here, and its not really about the flowers anymore is it? How did you find out about them?