My Dh has long term depression. He was on medication for a long time but weaned himself off it to try to deal with it himself and because it gave him side effects such as not being able to ejaculate which was very frustrating. I have always been very supportive of his depression as he has of me when I had problems.
The problem is that he puts the depression down to other things, like he will say it's his hobby thats getting him down or his job. Quite often it's because he's sexually frustrated. I have gone out of my way (when I dont feel like it etc) to "help him out" as I know it lifts his mood but it's only temporary anyway so I'm starting to think what is the point and that it's not the solution!
We have sex as part of a normal sex life as well but not as much as he would like and he thinks this is a big problem. We have 2 small children and both also work extra hours so have a lot on our plates. I literally can not keep up with him sexually as I need to do other things to unwind such as have a bath or what a favourite program on telly (this only happens once or twice a week) and I think it's not unreasonable to expect this time to myself.
I don't know what advice I expect or want, just needed to write it down I think.
I do actually think my relationship is in danger as I can't stand him being miserable anymore as he brings me down and I can't keep propping him up in ways I don't feel like (sexually). I am also just dealing with the after affects of counselling for childhood sexual abuse. I feel like the counselling has changed my views on it all and made me realise that I don't have to do anything sexual if I don't completely feel like it and I don't have to feel bad about that either. I feel that I have changed but my husband hasn't got used to the changes yet. He generally takes a long time (years) to deal with any sort of change which he has been told is typical of someone with depression.
We always had an active sex life but there are certain things now that I feel uncomfortable with, I have tried explaining this to him but I don't seem to be getting anywhere.
I am happy with "helping him out" sometimes and also don't have a problem with him masturbating etc but he did that last night and still complained that he felt depressed because he is frustrated. This morning he has woken up in a bad mood so I called him a miserable fucker and left him in bed. I feel a bit mean as he is under a lot of pressure at work but I have enough of my own pressures to deal with. I care for my children full time and can't put another persons needs before my own ALL the time (learnt that at counselling!)
Also the more he moans generally or moans about being depressed because I dont want to have sex enough the less I want to do it. He has quite a dirty streak (if you get my meaning) but the things I used to do to satisfy this I just don't feel comfortable doing at the moment.
The fall out of all of this is that there is a distance between us, emotionally and physically (he always says that if we get too cuddly then he gets frustrated which i can imagine as he gets an instant erection) so we don't cuddle enough for my liking. I guess he has always had a higher sex drive so he hasn't changed it's me.
Wow this is so long!