I hesitated before starting this because there has been a rash of similar threads and I don't know if I'm making a fuss about nothing, but I'm so fed up. My mum is one of those people who if she asks you to do something expects you to do it immediately, or better still yesterday, so when I met dh he was a breath of fresh air because he was so laid back. Now it's this same thing I found so attractive that is driving me mad. His favourite saying is I'll do it later. That actually means, yeah yeah, if I can be bothered I might get round to it next month, just get off my case. Stupid things like the dog has run out of food. Oh I forgot. It'll be Ok today I'll get some tomorrow. Then I end up doing it.
There is a lot more going on but this is at the crux of everything. He is having huge problems with reorganisation at work, and they haven't paid him his full money for 4 weeks now. Every week he says it's Ok because they've promised to sort it next week. Last week I told him that it couldn't carry on because we were about to go into overdraft because of it. He'd leave it till Monday. They asked him to work Monday when he was supposed to be off, so in he toddled. Did you get money? No I'll sort it tomorrow. It was Wednesday before he finally went in to get the cash so almost another week, and surprise surprise still not enough this week. He won't sort it out. Meantime our account looks sick and he's putting more and more on credit cards.
Three years ago I got pregnant by mistake. Our youngest was just about to leave primary school and dh had been really looking forward to coming off shifts and doing a normal day job. He really didn't want another child and I didn't think it was fair to insist he spend another 11 years on shifts. He persuaded me to have a termination. It has haunted us ever since and put a wedge between us because I really regret it. Needless to say that he is still doing the same job he was so desperate to leave.
It is hard for him because he has no qualifications or anything, but there have been a few jobs in the papaer recently that he liked the sound of. They need CVs not application forms, and I brought some stuff home from work to help him. No he didn't want to do it with me, he'd do it later. Several weeks later he hasn't got around to it. We had a row- he says he is too thick to fill in the forms. Stalemate. Meanwhile his work calls him in when he's off, changes his shifts, changes his times, and he just goes along with it. They say jump, he says how high. He works EVERY weekend.
I am getting seriously depressed at the thought of my youngest leaving home in four years time because once he goes I will be completely alone every weekend and most evenings. I have no friends locally. I do have some hobbies but have to go everywhere on my own. Even trying to book cinema tickets for Harry Potter, he doesn't know what night he'll be free. He'll wait until it's too late to book before he gets back to me, because he does it for everything I want to do. I am seriously wondering why I have put up with this all these years and whether it is time to call it a day. I have thought about going before but we struggle to survive on two full time salaries, so I can't see how we'd cope with two households. I told him last month I wanted to leave and he was really shocked, but has done nothing about it.
Compared to a lot of problems MNetters have been having recently dh isn't actually a bad person, but I'm just so tired of living like this, and being the only grown up in the family. He isn't going to change but should I just put up with it?