Please bear with me as this may be a long but I have reached breaking point with my DH.We have been together 14 years.
Basically we have always had a few differences of opinion on how much he sees his family specifically his mum and sister. MIL lost her husband 6 and a half years ago. SIL lives at home also now and is 26. we live literally less than 10minutes away. MIL was only child doesnt have her own family but FIL did have family they dont keep contact with her at all really i feel largely becuase of what she is like. She doesnt drive and expects people to be calling in and seeing her. she has lived in the same house for over 40 years and is very much insulated to where she lives. She is very active social live in that she is a chairperson of a local womens club always out in the evenings has a lot of friends always going out etc. season ticket holder for football etc.
SIL works at the same place as my DH and in fact often gives him a lift into work etc sometimes. or sees him at lunchtime.
the crux of this has arisen as there has been huge rows between them all this week about the amount of time they dont see each other. basically SIL is always out with her boyf, away at weekends away or generally busy. MIL is also generally busy or always out. Tried to do something with them last weekend but SIL away and MIl already out although we did MIL for 20 minutes saturday. I am fairly close to my family and i have a large family that tend to do a few things together. We were invited to my nans last sunday with rest of family went over and then called and saw my mum and dad in the evening as they had been away and i hadnt seen them for 2 weeks. this is usually pattern with my family we might have family meet ups every month or so sometimes things are planned where i might see them once a week for two weeks or something. however some weeks i go without seeing my parents and sometimes a week or so without speaking to my mum or dad on the phone.
anyway INlaws are now moaning that we (DH and I) dont do enough with them ie dinner going etc - even though they are the ones that are always busy. we never get asked to do anything with either of them. it is always us making the effort especially where SIL is concerned.
this weekend DH has asked if we drop the plans we have to see SIL tomorrow and then MIL sunday. I said i wasnt that keen as already made plans (not involving my family). could we arrange another weekend. it has just erupted into full blown rows with my DH and I.
He tends to phone and call in and see his mum 4-5 times a week also i think becuase he feels his dad isnt there. SIl also heavily relies on him to do things as well as FIL isnt there. I dont argue with his family but i dont get on with them that great either. MIL will constantly talk about herself everytime we see her never ask how we are or jobs etc? normal conversation. I had MMC before christmas and she came out with some choice phrases. we havent received any support from them with regards to this.
this sounds a bit messed up but i am very upset. I just dont see why there has to be so much emphasis on seeing people at set times and i cant see why now because they have decided they dont spend time as family i have to move my plans. when for months it has been us asking them to do things with us and they are the ones always busy.
its a bit rambled sorry but at a loss to know what to do.