BF can't express feelings

[1234JH]

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and we have lived together for one year. He is 42 and I am 48. Before we got together he had not had a girlfriend for about 15 years. He said he had resigned himself to being single for ever. I think his confidence had taken a blow after a failed relationship. He was in a job he hated lived alone and rarely got out much. His life has changed over the months and he seems much happier. He has a new job, a passport and things are a lot brighter. I knew him before as a friend. I love him dearly - he's a kind-hearted, helpful and we get on well. As a personality he is very shy and introverted and not very verbally expressive. He never uses terms of endearment and when he occasionally texts, they are plain and factual with no lovey dovey words. This makes me feel like I have to be plain and factual too as my verbal affection is not reciprocated and I feel I have to revert to his level (effectively gagging myself). This morning I stuck my neck out and ended a text with "love you" to which he has not replied. We did have a previous issue as he never said he loved me. Now he mumbles it very occasionally and I'm wondering if this is just to placate me. I feel short changed but should I be happy with my lot? I can't imagine he would ever be looking for anything else.

How does he behave physically? Does he spontaneously kiss or cuddle you? What about in bed? My ex never told me he loved me, but then he never acted like it either! DP tells me every day, but more importantly shows me in how he behaves towards me.

He does kiss and cuddle me a little every day but not OTT and not in public. In bed he says he gets too hot cuddling me and often likes to read.

He sounds like he is emotionally repressed, through years of receiving no affection. He doesn't know how to be and you have to teach him.

Be affectionate with him, give him compliments, tell him you love him. In time he will come out of his shell and learn to reciprocate.

I did start to tell him I loved him but he didn't say it back. I then started to feel idiotic talking to this brick wall and stopped. I'm wondering if I should make myself less available and kind of play hard to get?

I have been with my BF for 5 years, he does not tell me he loves me which at times I have found very difficult to cope with.

We have bought a house together and we are trying for a baby, I have wondered many times if I'm crazy at doing this with someone who doesn't tell me those three little words. But, and for me this is a big but, he acts like he loves me, the things he does for me, how he is with me in general I know that our relationship is good.

I have friends who have partners who are happy to declare their undying love for them but who get treated like crap, I know which I prefer. Different things are important to different people. I tell my BF every day I love him because that's me, as long as he still acts like he loves me we'll be together.

I do understand what you mean re the brick wall, it is really hard as I kind of felt rejected as you do. I really hope that with time things will come good for you

sorry for the essay

I would be cautious, for me this would be a problem. Mostly because you are having to change who you are because of his reaction.Over time you will resent this.
I would also listen to what he says or doesn't say..Do you know he loves you? " he's a kind-hearted, helpful and we get on well" You could be describing a work collegue not partner. If he can't say he loves you could it be because he doesn't? I'm sorry if that sounds hurtful but women often make up reasons why men do and say things, we over complicate it.

I think it's interesting that you're at the 2 year point - for me issues in relationships always start to appear or need to be resolved at this stage. If it doesn't change soon I think it's unlikely ever to change..how does that feel?

The "playing hard to get" strategy is unlikely to work. He won't feel neglected that you have stopped saying or doing lovey-dovey things, he'll like it.

Here's something to think about - you're likely treating him as you'd like to be treated, and he's doing the same. So you're saying and doing certain things because you'd like to receive that same type of affection. He's not saying or doing it to you because he doesn't want it himself. So it doesn't feel natural to him to do it.

I've been there, some people are just like this. Yes you can look for reasons and excuses and hope they'll change but IME the only option is to decide for yourself where the line in the sand lies, and let them know. Do not play games or expect him to know why you are upset. You're maybe just with a guy who will tell you once that he loves you and won't say it again ("I said I did, if I changed my mind I'd have said so, so you know I still do.") The level of affection that you both feel comfortable with or need might be mismatched significantly. If so, he may make an effort for a while but it'll die away because it's not his thing.

As an upside, this person may in fact be more loyal than the flirty guy who seems to wear his heart on his sleeve but in fact says whatever he thinks you want to hear to whoever he's currently with. Your guy only says he loves you to one or two people in his life, and means it. You may only hear it once or twice mind!

I couldn't cope with telling someone I loved him and there being a dead silence back.

The alternative to dead silence doesn't have to be someone who says it too easily!