Well, the title says it all really. I am feeling very low about myself and my relationship with my husband. We had an enormous row about 2 nights ago. It had been brewing for quite sometime. He essentially told me he hated spending time with me, hated listening to my voice because everything I said was critical and he couldn't live like this any longer. He thinks we've only lasted this long because of the kids.
Some background: We've been together for 9 years, married for 4 years. We have 2 boys (3.5 and 1.5). Our youngest son has health issues. We've moved countries a few times for his work. Most recently in January. I haven't worked in about 5 years as we have either been moving and/or I've been pregnant. My MIL came to stay recently and had a heart attack whilst she was with us, fortunately she is fine now after a minor procedure and has gone back home again.
The argument was exactly a big surprise and I had also been feeling the same about him and we've been basically skating on very thin ice for the last couple of years.
I tried to point out that there was a lot of pressure with having two small children (I'm very sleep deprived because DS2 doesn't sleep well). Also moving countries every 2-3 years is also very unsettling. He travels a lot for work and when he is in the same country is rarely home from work at a decent hour. The children rely on me completely, the oldest finds it very difficult when DH travels and misses him terribly. The constant dr's appointment for our youngest take their toll on me as I am the one who is responsible for everything to do with the health of the boys. I find it draining. DH says that I just have to get over it, our life is stressful, deal with it.
I know that I can be very critical, I find it hard to hold in all my thoughts ... I know I should let some things go more. It seems I am petty, and that I don't really voice my true feelings about the big stuff. I am trying to change that. It's the constant criticism that he finds the hardest. However, I feel ignored and not appreciated so I think I am acting out. I try to tell him I just need some recognition but he tells me that he gives it but I don't hear (obviously, I don't agree).
I know this is long. I am feeling extremely lonely and isolated and I don't really have anyone to talk to about this. I am just venting really.
I don't really know what I am asking. I just want our marriage to work. I know that I am not all to blame, but I don't think blaming anyone is going to fix it. I want to be happier.
Thanks for making it this far.