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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Bad tempered DH!

14 replies

Much2Much · 27/04/2011 13:24

Hi, I'm new to mumsnet and really I'm just looking for a bit of advice, the DH and I have been together 5 years we have 3DC 1 of them not his. He always had a bad temper but it's never really been a problem but just lately it seems to be getting worse. He does't spend anytime with us and only talks to the children to tell them off he is always shouting and swearing and i don't want that for my dc. He says he just angry about life and i've told him that if thats how he feels he should leave but he refuses. Makes it worse because he refuses to get job even though I work he does nothing around the house and i feel like a single parent he puts me down and doesn't see how much i have to do sorry it's just 1 long moan.
Thanks

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 27/04/2011 13:27

sorry,but you are nothing like a single parent!!

ditch him if he's that bad

then you'll be in the privileged 'lone parent' position!!

seriously tho,he sounds awful. and abusive. does he do the childcare while you work?

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 27/04/2011 13:30

Well, you may as well be alone for all the good he sounds!

So he won't work, won't engage with the children, is angry and abusive, spends his time doing his own thing (with money you provide him I assume?)

and you stay with him because?

Original poster

Much2Much · 27/04/2011 13:35

No my parents look after the children while i work. I do feel i'd be better off alone ust don't know how to face telling dc.

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 27/04/2011 13:40

the dc may well be relieved! cant be much fun for them

some men,emphasis on 'some',do buck up their ideas when they are living apart from their children

your house? his? rented?

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 27/04/2011 13:41

It will be difficult.

But your choices are - tell them, do it, go it alone

or remain in a 'relationship' with someone who doesn't contribute in any way and who is abusive to you.

Now, what sort of relationships do you want for your children?

Do you want them to grow up thinking yours is ok, and repeating that?

Ephiny · 27/04/2011 13:48

What on earth does he do all day, if he doesn't have a job, doesn't look after the children and does nothing around the house? Are you financially supporting him?

cestlavielife · 27/04/2011 14:13

you will be better off as a single parent free of these put downs and anger.

he changes or you split.
simples.

if he is angry he can go get therapy or whatever - it is his problem to deal with.

he wont leave because he gets something out of the reactions.

ask him to leave and mean it. even if you couch it as a temporary solution til he sorts out his anger

RoyalFucker · 27/04/2011 14:14

throw out this cocklodger

is this your house ?

RoyalFucker · 27/04/2011 14:15

he is a weed smoker, yes ?

Original poster

Much2Much · 27/04/2011 16:13

No he's not a weed smoker, i am supporting him he had a bad childhood and i know it's not an excuse, i've tried to help him deal with it and i've suggested the whole anger management thing but he's not keen obviously. The house is rented in joint names i really don't know why, I think I know we have to split just can't come to terms with it don't know how to deal with it all I'm a young mom and I've definitely taken on more than i can cope with, it's a bad situation thanks for all the advice though.

OP posts:

RoyalFucker · 27/04/2011 16:21

yes, love, it does sound like you have taken on more than you can handle

I think he is going to bring you down

can you speak to your parents ?

what do they make of him ?

RoyalFucker · 27/04/2011 16:22

btw, I know lots of people who had "bad childhoods" and didn't sponge off others and make excuses for doing fuck-all

you can't fix him

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 27/04/2011 16:29

He had a bad childhood - that's sad, it's not, however, an excuse to be a lazy waste of space treating his wife & kids like crap, allowing his inlaws to look after his children while he does jack shit.

You would be better off without this leech. Tell him either he moves out or you and the children do.

Don't worry about the children, this environment can't be good for them - they'll be better off without him there bringing you all down.

zikes · 27/04/2011 17:02

It's not your job to fix him or make up for his bad childhood.

He is a grown man and has to take responsibility for himself now - and make sure he's a good parent to his children instead of continuing the cycle.

You only get one shot at life and you don't want your kids saying when they grow up what terrible childhoods they had with an angry oppressive father and a doormat of a mother.

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