i want another baby; he doesn't. how to handle?

[sotough]

that's it really: simple, and yet, really difficult. I am sure there must be thousands of mnetters out there who've been in the same situation. how did you resolve it?
We have two gorgeous little ones. Our second, DD, arrived after two years of hell as i went through four miscarriages - so she is a miracle really. I look at her sometimes and can't believe my luck. Yet i've always wanted three children, and though i feel hugely blessed to have two, that 'want' is still there...
He is not keen and says he's too old (he is much older than me, at nearly 49..). He generously says we can have a third if i like, but is this asking for trouble in our marriage?
I am clear that I will not go through multiple miscarriages in a quest for a third child, but am willing to risk another one or two losses.
Am i being selfish? How should we handle this? We are not arguing about it at all - we are just beginning to discuss it, very gently. my DD is only four months old, so it is very early days. What would you do?

It depends a little how old you are. To be blunt, is this a decision you need to make within the next year or so, or can you afford to think about it and discuss it for a while?
As you are talking, and your H has not said 'NO more, end of' it sounds like you have a good chance of coming to a decision that both of you are at peace with. Best of luck.

My cousin has two DDs. His wife went through a total of 10 miscarriages to have those two healthy little girls. They are now calling it quits.
I have two friends who have not been able to have children for various reasons.
If I were you, I would count my blessings and perhaps get some professional counselling to deal with your feelings of loss.
FWIW my DH is the middle one of 3 and he said to me we should have 2 or 4, not 3 - and all the middle children of 3 I know have said the same.
Your DH is trying to protect you from the pain of more miscarriages - you say you would stop at one or two, but would you really?
I don't think you are being selfish at all, BTW, just a little unrealistic. Enjoy your new baby and give yourself time to think, then decide what is best for all of you.

Your baby is 4 months old and you are already wanting another one?
Are you mad?

I think it is far too early for you to even consider another pregnancy.

You have to give consideration to the fact that he does not really want another one, and might only concede because you want another.

When will he have the opportunity to ever have any retirement time if your children are still young when he is 70?

As it is if your children go to University he is going to have to work until he is 70. Bit unfair in my opinion to expect him to have no life to relax after work.

We're in the same boat. DW has always wanted three kids but I don't feel I could have another. We've talked about it and agreed that the step is too big to take unless we're both 100% behind it. I feel rotten because I know that this is how my wife has envisaged her family for years - probably since before we met - but we agreed before we were even married that we would always put each other before our children (we think its the best example we can set them) and she is doing this. It has helped her to look at the reason why she wanted a third kid (she is basically trying to recreate her upbringing - which was great and her family are lovely) and separate it from our family situation. Either way, she is being really gracious. We've both had to make big sacrifices for our relationship and have had to work hard on not fostering resentment in the past - in a way, this means we've been pretty well equipped to deal with this. We have also ruled out talking about 'absolutes', i.e. we accept that either or us - or both of us! - could have changed our minds in five years time.

Its one of those situations where there is no ideal solution but I guess I just think that both parents have to be fully on board with something like having another child. Sounds like having children for you could be even more of an emotive subject than it might be for others who haven't experienced the miscarriages that you have (apologies - bit of an assumption) so is it worth giving it a bit longer since your last DC arrived to really talk it through. Whatever, just wish you all the best as its obviously tough for both of you.