This is gaslighting isn't it?

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow]

When it was my 41st birthday my ex dh decorated the dining room with banners and balloons saying happy 40th birthday.

we were (happily) married at the time.

I now know he has narcissistic personality disorder.

He was gaslighting me wasn't he?

stupid question alert... what is gaslighting?

Dunno - could he just be a bit forgetful?

If he's now your ex, does it really matter any more?

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which false information is presented to the victim with the intent of making them doubt their own memory and perception. It may simply be the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, or it could be the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim. Gaslighting had a colloquial origin explained below, but the term has also been used in clinical and research literature

if it is context with other such activities, it may appear so....not nice :(

sorry cut n pasted straight from wiki...Im not that clever :)

sixthsense, yes, it's in context with other such activities.

I am currently divorcing him, after 22 years of marriage.

I thank God for mumsnet for opening my eyes to abusive relationships.

I might resurrect the NPD thread, or I could just start another one.

NSASMN

Well done to you for being strong....what a horrible thing to go through....not only is the abuse sooooo invisible it can completely mess with your head and get everyone doubting you

Well done and keep strong xx

There must have been much more than that, yes? I mean, if it was an isolated incident, I would assume he was forgetful. All you had to say was 'I'm 41, not 40, remember?'

thank you, I will keep strong. I'm getting stronger every day. slowly though.

I can't believe it was all just down to "absentmindedness" and "forgetfullness"

Would anyone believe me if I were to say that I was barely allowed to even speak throughout my marriage? No, no one would believe that. It sounds too incredulous.

I've got so much to say now though, I've found my voice.

Glad you're getting out of it - my father has been doing this to me all my life and I'm only just seeing it for what it is...

It's amazing, isn't it, once your eyes are opened to what he's been doing you look back and suddenly realise what all sorts of odd little incidents were really about.

this type of abuse is so hard to recognise.....it is all about real subtle control

Very scarey tbh

Congrats on finding your voice. Start shouting!

I, for one, would welcome a resurrected or reborn NPD thread. Sadly there's still an urgent need for people to talk about it, and find out about it.

I was going to say no, he's just joking, because you probably didn't want to be 'in your forties.'

However, when I read that you weren't allowed to speak throughout your marriage, you convinced me that every thing that he did was to destroy you and your confidence.

So yes, you are probably right. Thank god that he is history. Your poor thing.

am glad you have found your voice nsanmn. here's to you, and hoping you continue to grow.

not quite history yet - i have filed for divorce but still have to share ahome with him for the time being.