MN Jury please

[wwydnow]

Comments please.

I am married but not happily and have stayed for the sake mainly of children- now just adults- and money.

Manyyears back I had an affair with an ex who I almost married- he broke it off when we were together as we were v young. We stopped the affair as I could notl eave DH and kids, and he moved a long way away.

He is now divorced after his 2nd marriage has ended- she left.

We are in touch again, though have been all along- as long-distance friends.

We get on great and he is full of regret after losing me all those years back.

he says that he is not happy/willing to ask me to leave DH for him as he would feel guilty. He says that if we are to move forward at all then it has to be ny decision to leave DH, irrespective of him. he would also want me to have some time on my own to get over the break up, and not rush into anything with him, but to "date again" and take it slowly. However, he also acknowledges that time is running out for us and this is our last chance. ( we are late 50s.)

Is he being sensible, or does his behaviour show that he is not really that keen at all?

I know how I feel about him- my feelings have never changed. I have not told him this for fear of frightening him off and don't know whether to or not.

I want him. full stop.

If you end your marriage then it should be because the marriage is over and not because of a memory of what some previous relationship was like (through your rose tinted glasses)

If I were you, i would think about your DH and what you want from him now. I would talk to him about it and see where that leads to.

The other bloke might be lovely and all but I wouldn't confuse the ending of your marriage with going off with him. There are too many people who might get hurt by you doing that (even if they are adults now)

Well, that confirms what he thinks.

It is VERY hard though to separate the two.

I know it is not RIGHT but I have lacked the courage to leave DH and be on my own. I know that if I were to leave now, it would be in the hope that something develops with the ex.

The ex acknowledges that people leave marriages for other people, but thinks it is fraught with problems- namely that you take your problems with you.

I suppose I am finding it hard when he talks about how great we get on, how much he regrets losing me, but at the same time says my decision to leave DH should not be based on anything that might develop with us.

I am just an incurable romantic who wants him to say "I want you- lets go for it this time."

I think he's being sensible. Leaving your marriage should be for you and you only. Learn how to be a stong, independent woman who realises that you don't need to always be with a DP. They're men - not oxygen!

Leaving a marriage immediately for another DP puts far too much pressure on the 'new' relationship. And your friend won't want the responsibility of you ending you're marriage for him in case it fails...