Had enough of DH

[miranda66]

DH only wants to do the 'nice' things with dd, and leave the rest to me. I am a sahm with dd of 3 24/7, and it is driving me nuts. He has now decided that dd needs a 'smack on the head' when she is naughty - I do not believe in smacking. He can walk out of the house when it suits him but I can't. I am fed up of cleaning and tidying etc - only for him to make a mess again. I am fed up with being a computer widow at night. I may as well not be there. He thinks that after an argument, everything will be fine after a kiss, then gets annoyed when I refuse. I have no family support nearby, and my friends work. I really am unhappy atm, and need advice on what to do next.

Can you get a part time job to get out of the house and have your own space?

You need a job or a hobby outside the home. Even though your friends work do you have any available at night? You could go for drinks, meal, gym class etc. If you do something regular outside the home then it will help destress you.

Do you feel the situation is resolvable? If he started being a decent father and husband would you be happy in your relationship?

If so how about mediation? If you cannot talk to each other than this may be an option.

What sort of mess is it?

A smack on the head. Why her head? Is he very old and comes from an era where a clip round the ear was considered acceptable? There are reasons it is no longer acceptable! That is where her brains are, everything that controls her and her body. Slightly too hard or the wrong angle and he could cause damage. If a smack on the head is acceptable to him, how long before a slap around the face then a punch in the face? That concerns me way more than suggesting a smack on the bum or hand.

If you don't think the relationship can be fixed do you honestly think it would be harder on your own with no mess made by him? You sound like you are doing 99% any way.

Definitely get a part time job. You won't be so wrapped up in childcare and housework and will meet new people.

You need to disappear to the gym for an hour or so when he gets home. I think that would be really good for you.

Have you pointed out to him that social services would take a very dim view of smacking her on the head and he is at risk of losing his dd(they would probably read him the riot act first so don't panic)

he needs to feel the consequences of his actions. when he stops work to go on the computer, you stop work too. do not do anything for him. (warning, it can take them a very very long time for them to get the message) put his dirty pots on the computer desk (if you have one)collect any of his mess and put it at his side of the bed.. and if he makes a mess that you have to tidy because you can't live with it you are too tired/don't have enough time to do something he wants to do. (h dropped toast on the floor once, experimented to see how long it would take before he picked it up, didn't find out, got too fed of of walking cleaning round it after a couple of weeks days)