Best way to apologise?

[SleepEvadesMe]

Hello

I have had a fall out with someone and whilst I feel fairly strongly that I was not the only person at fault, the blame seems to be laid fully at my feet by this person and their family. I would like to apologise because I genuinely did not intend to cause anyone upset but I have a feeling that this person would not particularly welcome an apology, or at least right now (the falling out happened two days ago).

My initial thought was to ring her a few days after it happened, after things have blown over a bit but I am unsure how she will react- I think it's possible that she would not accept the apology and be unpleasant and I'm not sure how I would then go forward if that were to happen.
Do you think it would be preferable to send a short note/letter instead? I am not sure how to proceed; I would like to move forward from this but I am worried that I will be rebuffed. What would you do?

My theory is that if you owe an apology, you owe one. The person to whom you owe it does not necessarily owe you a gracious acceptance. Can't swear I'd actually do it, but the right thing IMO is to let her know as soon as possible that you are sorry, and withdraw to let her think about it. No self-justification, no half or qualified apologies, just say sorry for the bit you are sorry for. It is then up to the aggrieved party whether they can forgive you and/or accept their part in the dispute.

I dare say there are reasons why it's not as simple as that, of course.

Most people who don't apologise fear being rebuffed. Whether you are right are wrong just apologise, simply, in person, with no disclaimers. It is easily done and will hopefully rectify things. Good luck!

If you send a note you have no confirmation it gets there. She may not contact you on receipt. She may rip it up with out opening. She may read it and decide to punish you by ignoring. She may phone up and turn nasty ranting and raving that it is all your fault.

Phone up and say I am sorry for X, Y, Z. Your part that you think you are responsible for.

That way you know you have done your part and can leave the rest to her.

Face to face.

You have to do it face to face. It has to be sincere and if she doesn't accept it - well at least you've done your bit. Some people can't accept apologies gracefully but the majority can. Just do it. Remember there are only good outcomes from sorting this out - no bad ones. Even if she rants and raves, you've done the right thing and everyone else will know that.

i send a bunch of flowers with a sorry card, man or woman. gives them time to calm down and shows you're serious about the sorrying and wanting to build a bridge. i makes me feel i've done my bit and it's up to the other person then. most people hate confrontation and are looking for a way to make it right.

But what did you DO???? I can't be the only one who's wondering!

Oh I'm sorry to be all mysterious atswimtwolengths but I'm being very careful because I really don't want those involved to see this thread and put two and two together. It was just a situation that got blown completely out of proportion, I'm sad to say.

I understand why those have said do it face to face but due to where this person lives, that's not actually possible. I know a few of you are saying over the phone so I'll definitely mull that over. It is tricky because I feel as though I want to apologise more for the way things turned out than my behaviour- I don't think I was treated at all nicely and tried to handle the situation as gracefully as possible (admittedly I didn't succeed since it turned out so awfully) and I am actually quite upset at things she said to me. BUT I do want to move past this which is why I want to apologise for any hurt I may have caused and say that it wasn't my intention.