How can you learn to not give a f**k? Advice welcomed

[ilikeshoes]

Ok i am going to keep this brief, had two past terrible relationships (cheated on, left with child i won't go on) so i have some issues that i just cannot seem to get over with current partner due to past experiences.For example if he says he is going to phone and does not when he says i get this terrible feeling and start to think like he is beginning not to love me, not care etc etc.
If he goes out i never admit my feelings but i think he going to cheat chat up other women etc.
I know it is down to insecurities from previous experience but ayt advice on how to over come this would really be appreciated.

Have you had counselling?

No never really thought of that, have'nt really had time to think about it, single parent job college house work etc :). I have explained breifly to partner without trying to sound to neurotic. Its just this horrible feeling of dread like when i discovered my ex had cheated. Quite annoying really i would concider myself quite independant level headed.

Sorry, that was a bit brief! Maybe just add some other things to think about. How long have you been with DP, and how long were you single before then - do you think perhaps you might not be ready for a relationship yet?

Secondly, how much does he know about how you are feeling? It's true that needing reassurance can go too far, if it's beginning to spill into controlling behaviour for example, but if you do feel insecure then it's not unreasonable to ask him to be aware of this. Do you feel you will always be this way or would you be more able to trust him after he's been reassuring for a while? If the former then you might want to look into some kind of counselling or psychotherapy, which isn't as scary as it sounds - just sort of more in-depth counselling.

I think counselling would be helpful either way, if you are at college they might offer some, or you could go through your GP or health visitor. It depends what is available in your area.

BertieBotts have been with dp nearly 2 years, was single for about 6 months. To be honest i did'nt feel like this at first i think as i have let my guard down and started to have true feelings for him it's got worse, i have explained about the phone calls and sticking to what he says he is to do, and the reasons why i need him to do this, i promice i did'nt sound neurotic controlling etc.I would like to think with time and the more he earns my trust i will be able to get over it, i can definately control it, just today he said hw would phone when he finished work as i was out and he is out with friends tonight, and he did'nt phone untill after he had got home and had a peaceful nap and had got ready to go out. I do not want to turn into a controlling person, but suffering the feeling of dread regularly over minor things is very annoying and makes me feel a bit needy.

I meant sticking to what he says he is going to do

Go out, have your own life, dance with your mates, think of yourself as a sexy and fun woman that any one would love to be with. If you have the inner confidence and a laugh men will want you, there is nothing worse than being needy. Enjoy yourself and the rest will follow

Some counselling may help.
Also, from personal experience, time may help - assuming your dp is reliable :). I have had several "unreliable" exs, but my dh of 8 years is very reliable and rock solid.
even now, I occasionally have a "wobble" that something has happened/will happen.
However I know that he is trustworthy so I try and distract myself from the negative thoughts.

Just dropping by ilikeshoes.

What Sugar said. I agree. Maybe trying not to give a fuck is unrealistic. When you care about someone of course you'll give a fuck about the relationship, it's only natural unless it's just a case of 'friends who shag'.

There's plenty of help out there for you to work this out. Give it a go, you have nothing to lose, after all.

Good luck.