separated after 8 years married...

[refmum]

....but my ex can't let go.

Even though he suggested the separation,i wake every morning to texts saying how much he misses me and can't go on like this etc..

We've been separated for 4 months,i have moved with our 4 sons into a flat and am trying to move on with my life.

He has regular contact with his sons.

Will he continue to do this or is it just going to take time? Should i reply? i don't as i think it won't help,i don't want to get back with him,too much has happened and i'm starting to enjoy my life again even though it is a bit scary at times with money worries and responsibilities.

Any advice please,anyone been through similar?finding this hard and making it harder to move forward and be positive.

It all depends whether he has a history of abuse I think. My ex did it for 3 years until I had to get a restraining order.

You are doing great moving on the way you have and it's not easy financially etc.

Tell him contact is strictly limited to dc. Don't repky to his texts and begin to make a diary of his harassment. Hope you won't need it but best to cover yourself.

I'm assuming it's not abusive but just heartfelt missing you, wallowing in a bit of self pity, wanting to have his cake and eat it etc etc. He needs to get over it.

Ask him nicely to stop, once, and in person not by text. Don't get involved in a conversation, get a speech ready. Along the lines of 'please stop texting me. We have agreed to move on with our lives and your texts make me feel angry and upset' (i am sure you can do better). Then GO, no conversation, nothing. Don't ever reply to his texts, just delete them. In fact if you can never text him at all that would be best, phone him for arrangements with the boys etc.

If you don't feed him then he should give up. If he doesn't stop then I think you are justified in getting angry and/or changing your mobile.

very good advice thankyou as always on MN thanks,i like the sound of telling him to his face no more texts,phone about arrangements for the kids re contact etc...just got to be brave and as you say get a speech ready : )

It needs to be done,i wake in the morning,check the time on my phone and there's his texts,not a great way to start the day.