I have been with my husband for about 15 years now, and whilst I do love (and still am in love with him) I'm not sure if I can live with him any more.
DH is a loving husband and good dad, but he is laid back / disorganised / lazy and it is driving me mad. I feel it is affecting our marriage and making me really unhappy. It isn't just issues at home, he is like this at work too and has, in the past been sacked for his poor organisation which led to him making mistakes. Last time he was sacked, I told him I couldn't go through it again and that he needed to change. He promised me he would, but he hasn't and we bumble along until the next time the issue rears up. Recently, he has just had (another) disciplinary at work for his poor organisation and so the issue has been raised again.
Trouble is, I'm a worrier and so I keep asking about how it is going, and he (as always) sticks his head in the sand and tells me it is 'fine'. When I try to press him for more info it ends up in a row. Except half the time its not fine, he is not facing up to the problems. Everything was going 'fine' last time -until he got sacked (and then he felt it was unfair etc etc).
What he does though is through laziness / head in the sandness / whatever it is, to be lazy and not do things until the very last minute. This then causes problems. And he gets so caught up in trying to solve these little problems that he can't /won't see the bigger problem - his disorganisation.
At home, There are tasks that I have been asking him to do for almost 4 years now, and I'm still waiting for them to get done. Our latest row was over a form that needed filling in. He has had it a month, and I asked him to have it ready to fill in last week. So last night, when I checked if he had done it, he told me he had been too busy at work to fill the form in (which is when he had promised it would be done, although it is not a work related form). Yet, he has spent the past two nights on the sofa doing nothing, so could easily have filled out the form then. Cue yet another row about it.
He does have most of saturdays to himself, as I take the DC to their various hobbies. I have said to him that I don't mind him taking the half the time to do what he wants to do, but I would appreciate it if he spent half that time doing one of his outstanding jobs. To help him, I wrote down six of the most important jobs on a list for him (as he had previously said he has poor memory / forgets), yet I gave him this list in January and I'm still waiting for him to start on any of them.
So what happens is this. I ask him to do something, he fails to do it. I remind him (usually at least two or three times) he still fails to do it and then I lose my rag. We have a huge row and I end up going too far, saying things I later regret and generally being a bit of a bitch and then the next day he apologises and tries to make things better by doing one of the things I have asked him to do, but still not really addressing the other jobs /tasks / problems. It'll be better for a few weeks, and then goes back to normal. He does this at work too.
I'm fed up of being the bitch that is always having a go, and I don't want to continue living like this. I have asked him to move out for a few days to think about why he is like this (I first asked him to do this two years ago) and how we need to change. He says he doesn't want to. So now, he is paying lip service to me, by being helpful for a little while but all the time not addressing the bigger problem and so the cycle never breaks.
So how can I get it to change?
PS Have name changed for this.
Also, long one sorry - didn't want to drip feed the info.