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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband thinks its a woman's job!

43 replies

enoisi · 21/04/2011 14:09

I've only been married 2 years and I can't stand my DH. We have a 15th month old daughter. We both work, I contribute half of everything , do all the cooking, housework and take careof daughter all by myself. He does not help as he says his job is tiring. Should I leave? What effect will it have on my daughter? We are both 40.

OP posts:
enoisi · 21/04/2011 15:52

ShoutyHamster, :) At least you made me laugh today!

OP posts:
ShoutyHamster · 21/04/2011 15:54

Job well done then! Chin up enoisi, I have a feeling you're going to get this one sorted (one way or the other!)

DollyTwat · 21/04/2011 16:00

Hire a cleaner and make him pay for it
[bugrin]

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 21/04/2011 16:49

I'm just gonna give you my stock answer here OP

There are only really 2 types of men that are worth living with.

The first is a very nice rich man who'se partner doesn't have to work unless she wants too and who is happy to pay for any additional help required in the house.

The second is a very nice ordinary man who'se partner does have to work but who does half of all the unpaid domestic chores to compensate for his partner working.

The worst type of man for any woman to get lumbered with is a man who not only doesn't earn enough money for his partner not to work, but won't do his share of the unpaid domestic chores either. Better to be single and get tax credits than be stuck with someone like this."

nijinsky · 21/04/2011 16:50

It sounds like you get nothing from being with him at all - not money, emotional support, help with DC, good sex, companionship - nothing. Pluse you have it harder than being single because you have to clear up after him and cook for him. And you seem to really dislike him. Sounds like unreasonable behaviour to me.

I'm just puzzled why you got married in the first place to him - presumably you were kind of swept up and only realised lately how intolerable he is.

Jemma1111 · 21/04/2011 16:56

Sounds just like my ex and tbh I would rather stick pins in my eyes than put up with a guy like this again.

What's the point in being with someone who makes you unhappy?

AngryGnome · 21/04/2011 17:07

so to sum up

  1. crap in bed
  2. treats you like a servant
  3. does not engage with your DD
  4. is fungus ridden

It's not a great picture on the surface is it?

Does he know how close you are to calling it a day?

garlicbutter · 21/04/2011 17:19

There aren't too many times, even on these threads, when it's blindingly obvious a woman would be better off as a single mum than married to her H. Yours is one of them. You already are a single working mum, problem is that one of your 'children' is a fully-grown adult who leaves festering socks & food debris all over the place, shouts her down and expects crap sex.

Life will be so much simpler without him!

Or you could try giving him a sharp blow to the head, see if he wakes up with a different personality ...

Dozer · 21/04/2011 17:26

My friend was in a rsp like this, except her man was good in bed(not that she wanted sex, was too busy and upset with him). She and her ds moved out, he now sees his ds regularly (they didn't move far), and she is much happier without him.

ChaoticAngelofchocolateeggs · 21/04/2011 18:18

Grin at ShoutyHamster

Op if he's a crap husband..

crap around the house...

a shit father...

and lousy in bed...

Trust me you're better off without him.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 21/04/2011 22:11

So were you taught that you are nothing without a man, OP and therefore have to settle for any man who will agree to live with you, never mind that he's revolting, mean and stupid? Or did you have a previous relationship with a violent one, so that this one, being only verbally abusive, lazy, selfish and physically disgusting, seemed as good as you were going to get?

spidookly · 21/04/2011 22:31

"There are only really 2 types of men that are worth living with.

The first is a very nice rich man who'se partner doesn't have to work unless she wants too and who is happy to pay for any additional help required in the house.

The second is a very nice ordinary man who'se partner does have to work but who does half of all the unpaid domestic chores to compensate for his partner working."

ShockShock

There is only one type of woman worth being

  1. The type of woman who doesn't think that what she does with her life is a function of how rich a man she manages to snare.
maypole1 · 21/04/2011 22:36

Sounds like your a fool you married and had a baby you can't stand

You don't have to cook his dinners or clean up after you choose to do it and moan

Pig I don't want to cook for my oh I don't
I think you should leave and stay away from marriage

EricNorthmansMistress · 21/04/2011 22:40

Yeah I was bogglig at that too. 'who does half of the unpaid domestic chores to compensate for his partner working' Shock

Oddly, it's not the pinnacle of my ambition to be a kept woman Hmm

atswimtwolengths · 22/04/2011 14:16

Give us one good reason why you should stay with this horrible man. And no, the reason can't be anything to do with your daughter.

atswimtwolengths · 22/04/2011 14:16

And your answer can't be to do with money, either.

merrywidow · 22/04/2011 15:13

Throw all the shit he leaves lying around in the bin; when he looks for it tell him you thought it was discarded.

Then leave

shitmagnet · 22/04/2011 15:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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