Anyone offer me some advice please?

[sparkleshine]

My best friend told me this morning that during a very heated and emotional argument yesterday, her H came close up to her and started pointing his fingers, then grabbed her shoulders and shook her, initially making her lose her balance slighty and then obviously stood there in silence, shocked and horrified.
She said he immediately stopped once he realised what he was doing and it lasted all of 5secs from what she can remember.
He was completely ashamed and also horrified by what he'd done and apologised for being so stupid. He left the house in tears and didn't return all night. He stayed with his parents apparently. He wants to talk to her tomorrow when things have settled.

She's devestated and doesn't know what to do, but loves him and wants him to go back home. I haven't got a clue what should happen. I'm going through my own problems atm, but she's my best friend and I'm the only person she's told.

They have been together for 8 years and this is the first time this sort of thing has happened.
Surely it's just a 'in the heat of an argument' one-off type situation and everythng will be ok.
Should she/they just forget it and move on? WWYD?

Thanks x

I don't know - I'm not sure it's something that should be forgotten, I think it needs scrutiny. Has their relationship been building up to something like this lately? She might want to look at the Women's Aid website and see if she recognises anything about her relationship in the 'what is domestic violence' pages and so on. It could be a one-off aberration or it could be an escalation.

I don't think it's necessarily as bad as that, but I don't think she should be too quick to brush it under the carpet.

there have to be consequences for his behaviour. Staying at his mums and letting them know why would be a first. if he did it again, it would be a different matter...

second looking at the womens aid website.

First look at his whole attitude leading up to the incident (yes, look at the WA checklist). And if she's really sure that it was a one off, he's horrified himself and will never do it again, she might be right but she needs to give herself permission to dump his arse immediately if there is any repetition and to tell him that she will do so.

I've never been in this sort of situation so this is very tentative, but can she put it behind her even if it does seem like a one off? Or is she now always going to be modifying or second guessing her behaviour because she now knows he has and could physically assault her?

I think there are some actions that are mistakes, that a person can truly regret and never repeat, but are still one step too far and do completely change the dynamic of a relationship. So as well as being sure that he isn't going to do it again, she needs to think about how it changes the way they relate to each other.